Lapland
by Madianna
Summary: The families from Child Swap go on holiday to Lapland for Christmas. Disaster and chaos ensue. Benvolio is scared of flying. A holiday rep gets the hots for Tybalt and Rosaline is not impressed. Romeo becomes obsessed with seeing the Northern Lights. Eliseo, Micro and Alexei cause trouble. A Christmas installment of the Child Swap series.
1. The Journey

Hello! And welcome to my very first Child Swap series Christmas story. It's been a while since I posted anything from the Child Swap series, so it feels kind of weird to do this again.

First up, this story is based on a Christmas BBC drama I watched last year, called Lapland. I have heavily borrowed the plot, and the character, Jingle Jill. Secondly (and I know I say this a lot) but I don't own Allegra or Micro, who is her and Mercutio's son. They belong to Cornadopia, who wrote Mercutio and Allegra. She has kindly allowed me to use them yet again. As a thank you to Corny (and a Christmas present!) please read and review Merc'n'All. If you don't know what's going on, then please read my Child Swap series.

Ok, disclaiming is getting rather boring now. I hope you enjoy the Child Swap version of Lapland, and I hope you all like the casts' children!

* * *

_'Ladies and Gentlemen, we are sorry for the delay. We cannot leave until our final passengers arrive. When our final passengers do arrive, we will proceed to take off shortly'_

"Come on, kids, run!" screeched Gabriel, as his family raced down the terminal.

"I'm tired!" complained Tallulah.

"You're going to see Santa, come on!" urged Angelo.

"He's not real!" Alexei shouted.

"Don't say that to your little sister!" snapped Gabriel "Just get a hurry on!"

They finally made it to their terminal, and raced onto the plane. Amparo showed the stewardesses their tickets and passports, and they climbed onto the plane.

"You took your time" remarked Rosaline.

"Sorry about that, sweetheart. Gabriel left his straighteners behind and we _just had_ to go back for them" replied Angelo, sitting in a seat in front of her. Alexei sat down next to his grandfather, as Amparo strapped baby Natalio in the seat next to her, and Gabriel sat down with Tallulah.

"Next time, you're travelling to the airport with us" decided Rosaline. The plane jerked into action. Benvolio gasped, and then froze in horror.

"It's starting" he whimpered.

"Goodie goodie!" giggled Mercutio, leaning over his seat "Are you excited?"

Benvolio trembled, and sank against Hermia.

"Oh, this is so exciting!" clucked Regina "Us all being together like this, one big happy family, going up to Lapland, on a plane!"

"Sit down, Mercutio. He doesn't like flying, and he doesn't need anymore terrorizing" Hermia fondly pretended to shove Mercutio back. Mercutio sat back down next to his wife, Allegra, and eagerly dug into the bag of sweets he had brought. Supposedly, the sweets were for his kids, but Mercutio decided they wouldn't mind sharing. Benvolio continued to whimper against Hermia, as the plane descended to the beginning of the runway.

"It's taking off!" exclaimed Eliseo to Micro, who sat next to him "This is going to be so fun!"

"Will you two please just keep it down? I'm trying to sleep" growled Tybalt, twisting around in the seat in front of him.

"We love you, Uncle Tibby!" sang Micro.

"And don't call me that! I'm not your uncle!"

"Don't you two start winding him up!" Lord Capulet said sternly.

"Uncle Tibby's not going to be getting any sleep now that the plane is taking off, it's too bumpy!" declared Eliseo.

Benvolio screamed as the plane surged down the runway, picking up speed. It bumped up and down, from side to side. Tybalt simply rolled his eyes at Benvolio's phobia, but then the plane made a particular jolt, and after that, even he didn't look so comfortable.

"Is it supposed to be making that rattling sound?" wailed Benvolio.

"Look at the stewards, they fly all the time, they're probably calm!" Hermia pointed. The steward in question quickly crossed himself and bent his head in prayer.

"We're all going to die!" Benvolio howled.

"This is not good for the baby!" Rosaline moaned, clutching at her rounded stomach.

"Wheeeeeee!" squealed Mercutio.

The plane tipped up, and they were in the air. Benvolio continued to moan, his face burrowed in the crook of Hermia's neck. None of the children on the plane appeared to have been phrased by take-off. On the contrary, they were quite enthralled by it.

"That fun!" Saffiro announced, his green eyes wide and curious "Why daddy scared, Uncle Romeo?"

"Because he's a scaredy pants" replied Romeo, tickling his nephew's tummy. Saffiro giggled, and looked out the window at the clouds rushing past.

"I want to do that again!" announced Vittoria, Mercutio and Allegra's youngest and only daughter.

Rosaline, on the contrary, was green, and rubbing her tummy warily.

"Is the baby kicking, mummy?" asked Catherine, or Erin, as she was known to her family and friends.

Rosaline smiled weakly at her eldest daughter "Yes, darling. He didn't seem to like take-off"

"When are you due?" asked Hermia, leaning over a still sobbing Benvolio.

"Late April" replied Rosaline "We were just in time to fly. If I was any further along, we'd be spending Christmas at home in front of the telly"

"I thought you said you never wanted any kids" said Hermia.

"Oh, they were eighteen when they said that!" Regina interrupted "I always knew my Tibby would be a daddy!"

Rosaline rolled her eyes at her mother-in-law "Well, either way, I wouldn't be without my Erin and Diddy"

"Diddy?" snorted Mercutio.

"Yes" cooed Regina "It's short for Didier. Rather like how we all call Tybalt Tibby"

"Ok" Hermia suppressed a giggle, and gently stroked Benvolio's hair as he finished whimpering.

"You're not scared of flying, are you, Alexei?" asked Angelo.

"No, I've been on heaps of planes with dad when he has to tour" replied Alexei, gazing out of window at the clouds "I think it's really fun. All the other ballet dancers like me and think I'm funny, and that I make the journey entertaining, although I thoroughly dislike the food. The vegetarian options are meagre at best and completely unappetizing"

"Where did you learn to talk like that?" spluttered Angelo.

Gabriel clamoured over to his eldest son "Here's your book, and here are some snacks in case the food is completely foul and inedible. I bought you an egg and cress sandwich, your favourite flavour of crisps, oh, and here are some boiled sweets in case your ears pop. But don't eat too many, else your teeth shall rot and you will have a disgusting gold tooth like Uncle Tibby"

"Oh, of course" muttered Angelo, as Gabriel clamoured back to attend to Amparo and Natalio. Alexei tucked into his lunch, and between mouthfuls, eagerly told Angelo about his swimming lessons, his friends, and the books he had been reading. Angelo adored his grandchildren. He had a much better relationship with all of them than he had ever had with own children, even though he didn't get to see Gabriel's kids very often. Alexei actually reminded him of Gabriel, but if Gabriel had been a normal kid.

"Do you think we'll get to see the Northern Lights?" asked Mercutio.

"Oh, I hope so. I've always wanted to see the Northern Lights" replied Romeo.

"Is Briony all right with you, Juliet?" asked Hermia, as Benvolio sat upright, his trembling slowly ceasing "Benvolio's stopped freaking, if you want we'll move so you and Romeo can sit together"

"Oh, it's all right. She's fast asleep. I don't want to disturb her. And we'll end up having to move again when the plane lands" replied Juliet.

"I want sweets!" yelled Didier "Give me sweets!"

"No!" snapped Tybalt, snatching the bag away "You've had enough!"

"Mine!" yelled Didier "Mine!"

"Mine!" Tybalt mimicked, holding them away.

"Mine!" howled Didier.

"Stop winding him up" Rosaline snatched the sweets and stuffed them in her handbag "You're as bad as he is. And talking to him in a childish way does not help! He just thinks you are a silly child too, not his dad, and just argues with you"

"Yeah, you tell him, Rosaline" added Hermia.

"That's enough, Hermia" said Lord Capulet, leaning over "Now, none of us are going to argue this Christmas, are we?"

Tybalt snorted. Lord Capulet narrowed his eyes.

"Are we?" he repeated.

"I'll believe that when I see it" mumbled Benvolio, his eyes closed.

"Have you stopped crying now, Bennykins?" asked Mercutio, leaning over.

"Yes, thank you"

"I still can't believe you do this every time you go on a plane"

"I can't help it. I don't like flying!"

"You know, I'll never forget the flight to India, when I looked out of the window and there was a storm. We were flying in the eye of the storm! I could see each and every lightening stroke, right where they began. It was so cool" Mercutio said wistfully.

Benvolio's lower lip wobbled, and he sunk back into his seat, turning even whiter.

"Stop tormenting him!" commanded Hermia.

"Poor Uncle Benvolio" said Rocco "Don't be mean, daddy!"

"He loves it!" Mercutio turned around to address his middle son.

Allegra peered down the aisle of the plane to where Micro and Eliseo were sitting behind Tybalt and Didier. Both boys were giggling at the TV screens "Are you two behaving yourselves?"

Two replies of "Yes mum!" and "Yes Aunty Allegra!" that seemed far too quick to have been said casually answered her. Allegra was no fool, and unclipped her seatbelt, climbed over Mercutio, and walked down the aisle to check on them.

"That TV show is completely inappropriate! Turn it off!"

"But it's just _the Inbetweeners_!" protested Eliseo "Paolo watches it all the time"

"Who's Paolo?" asked Micro.

"He's my friend"

"Oooh, friend!" Micro said in a high-pitched voice, putting both of his thumbs up.

"Oooh, friend!"

"Eliseo! Turn that off!" Benvolio leant forwards in his seat "What have I told you about age-appropriate television shows? You are ten years old! And Micro's younger than you"

"I'll be eleven tomorrow" sulked Eliseo.

"And I'll be ten in January!" added Micro.

"Never mind that! I'm nearly thirty, and even I get shocked at it!" spluttered Benvolio.

"Aw, chill out, Benny, they're going to find out sometime or another" dismissed Mercutio "What episodes does it have? I want to watch it!"

"You're going to let your kids watch that?" Tybalt turned around in his seat "Are you insane? They won't stop quoting it for the entire holiday!"

"Oooh, friend" teased Micro.

"Whatever, just turn it off!" instructed Benvolio. Reluctantly, both Eliseo and Micro switched off the offending programme and instead began muttering about all the ways they were going to irritate Tybalt once the plane landed and they were at the hotel.


	2. Turkey Tybalt

RichardIII1955 - Thank you! Lol, Tybalt did indeed get busy. I guess he wanted some to carry on the Capulet dynasty, lol.

So here is the second chapter of Lapland! It's probably the longest chapter, since I had to combine two chapters in order to make this a twelve chapter story. You know, as in 'Twelve Days Of Christmas'

But anyway, I need to do some more disclaiming. I don't own Jingle Jill, she belongs to the BBC and is from their drama, which this story is based upon, Lapland. I also don't own the two new characters I've quickly added to this story - Rocco and Vittoria, who are OCs created by Cornadopia, and are the children of Mercutio and Allegra. We both decided that since Allegra doesn't die in Child Swap, that her and Merc would have more children. So here they are!

* * *

As the plane landed, Benvolio's final scream faded to a whimper. Eliseo simply rolled his eyes at Micro, whilst Rocco sighed sympathetically for his uncle. The family grabbed their bags, and Amparo picked up baby Natalio and Hermia picked up baby Briony. Benvolio had to be escorted off of the plane by Eliseo and Micro since he was still shaking. Angelo ended up struggling with all of his and Gabriel's family's bags since Gabriel was too busy trying to get Tallulah to put her shoes back on and adjusting his hair in the reflection of the plane windows.

The extended family struggled off the plane, collected their suitcases, and stepped through customs. They stepped out the airport, to find a large tour bus with a holiday rep standing outside. The holiday rep appeared to be of a similar age to most of the adults, and wore her hair in childish pigtails, with jingling reindeer antlers on her head. Gabriel sniggered, and Angelo hit him with his elbow to stop him from making a bitchy remark.

"Is this for the Lapland Christmas package?" asked Juliet "We're the Capulet-Montague-Vincentino-Fulgencio clan"

"Load your suitcases onto the bus, and go and pick a seat. I'll be with you shortly" replied the holiday rep. The family did as instructed, and chose their seat. The holiday rep gazed over at Tybalt for a few seconds long enough to cause Gabriel to start giggling again.

Once everyone was loaded onto the van, and both baby Natalio and baby Briony were settled into their car seats, the holiday rep grabbed a microphone.

"What's your name, sir?" she asked in an overly cheery voice, shoving it in Mercutio's face.

"Mercutio"

"It's...Magical Mercutio!"

"Yay!" cheered Mercutio "I'm magical!"

"And your name, ma'am?"

"Allegra"

"It's...Amazingly Christmassy Allegra!"

"I'm amazing!" cheered Allegra.

"And you are?"

"Romeo"

"It's...Reindeer Romeo! And your name is?"

"Benvolio"

"It's...Bauble Benvolio!"

Eliseo, Micro, Alexei, Rocco, Vittoria, Erin, Tallulah, Saffiro and Didier had begun to giggle as their parents were humiliated.

"You are?"

"Bob" lied Tybalt.

"Your real name, Tybalt!" Mercutio said loudly.

"My name is Bob" Tybalt lied "That man down there, he has mental health issues and just likes calling me stupid names"

"No, he doesn't!" shrieked Vittoria, outraged.

"Don't be a mean old poo poo head, Uncle Tibby! Play along with us!" exclaimed Micro "Don't be boring"

"You're ruining Christmas!" chided Eliseo "Get into the Christmas Spirit, Uncle Tibby!"

"Christmas, Uncle Tibby! Christmas!" cried Saffiro.

"I'm not your uncle!" snapped Tybalt at the three boys. He turned to the tour guide "My real name is Tybalt"

"It's...Turkey Tybalt!"

Hermia burrowed her laughter into her hand.

The tour guide made her way down to the front of the bus, and shook a tambourine "And I'm...Jingle Jill!"

"Look at her jingles!" whispered Micro to Eliseo, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Stop that, you're nine!" Benvolio hushed.

"And this is the Pudding Bus" said Jingle Jill "We'll be getting on the Pudding Bus everyday in order to search for Santa. Now, let's learn the Pudding Bus Song!"

"There's a song?" groaned Angelo.

"It's big, it's round, it's yummy in your tummy. Pudding bus! Pudding bus!"

"How charming" muttered Lord Capulet.

"And now, you've all got to sing it with me!"

"Go on, kids" sniggered Hermia "Sing the Pudding Bus Song"

"It's big, it's round, it's yummy in your tummy. Pudding bus! Pudding bus!" droned the children.

"Er, someone isn't singing!" Jingle Jill made her way down the aisle to Tybalt "You weren't singing!"

"So?"

"Oooh, he's a Scrooge! Everybody boo him!"

"Boo!" yelled Mercutio.

"It's for the kids!" Tybalt cried fustratedly.

"Come on, Tibby darling, it's all good fun!" cooed Regina.

"Now, you've got to sing the Pudding Bus Song, on your own, and I won't go away until you do!"

"Look, if he doesn't feel up to it-" Rosaline began, but she was interrupted.

"You look like you've had a few too many puddings there yourself, plus a bus"

"I beg your pardon?" seethed Rosaline.

"Actually, Mummy has a baby in her tummy" explained Erin matter-of-factly "That's why she is so fat. She doesn't normally eat pudding. Or buses. And even if she's fat, she still looks much better than you do"

"Did I say how much I love that kid?" sniggered Gabriel "Just like her uncle!"

"Mummy pretty" said Didier, reaching for her blonde hair.

"Thank you, darling" Rosaline kissed her son on his forehead, as Jingle Jill moved down the bus, chiding other adults for refusing to sing. Tybalt sighed deeply. This holiday was going to be pure hell. They arrived at the hotel in the dark, and were greeted by the hotel manager. They were all given directions to their rooms, and their keys. Together, the families trooped up the stairs and into their separate rooms.

"I don't want to share a room with Didier!" shouted Erin "He's a boy!"

"Well, this is room we've got, and you'll stay in it whether you like it or not!" Tybalt shouted back "It's only for a few nights. I always had to share a room with my girl cousins, whether I liked it or not, when my family went on holiday!"

"Don't like Erin" Didier stamped his feet "Erin mean!"

"You're mean!" Erin argued back, charging at her younger brother. Tybalt held them off of each other.

"No! You do not fight!" he yelled.

Allegra peered out of the door of their hotel room, and saw Tybalt storming out of the hotel room opposite theirs, with Rosaline shouting at him.

"Hey, kids, guess who's across the corridor?" Allegra pointed. Mercutio and their three children peered out.

"Mean old Uncle Tibby" pouted Vittoria "Daddy's not mad"

"Daddy is mad" corrected Mercutio, picking her up and throwing her in the air "Daddy is mad and proud! Uncle Tibby is normal and boring and ugly"

"Stop tickling me!" shrieked Rocco, as Micro continued tickling his younger brother to the ground.

"Say the magic word and I'll let you go" said Micro.

"Please!"

"That's not it!"

"Well, what is it then?"

"You've got to say it!"

"Let me go!"

"It's tickle time until you say the magic word!"

"Kids! That's enough tickling for one day. We have more pressing matters to attend to" announced Mercutio.

Micro stopped "Like what?"

Mercutio grinned at his kids "Like prank-calling Uncle Tibby on the hotel telephone!"

Down the hallway, Gabriel clasped his fingers to his ears "What the hell is that noise?"

"Uncle Tibby and Aunty Rosaline were telling Erin and Didier off" said Tallulah, kicking off her shoes.

"I don't mean that, I meant that shrieking noise! It sounds like a hyena!"

"Oh, it's probably just Mercutio singing" shrugged Amparo. Gabriel and his children both laughed.

"Is Santa real, daddy?" asked Tallulah.

"Of course he is, sweetie"

"No, he isn't!" Alexei chimed.

"Yes, he is!" Gabriel lied.

"Are we really going to see him?" asked Tallulah "I didn't want to ask the funny holiday rep. She was scary"

"Turkey Tybalt!" Alexei giggled. Gabriel burst out laughing.

"I couldn't believe she'd say such a thing to Rosaline" said Amparo, rocking Natalio.

"I can't believe what Erin said afterwards. It was brilliant" said Gabriel.

"You should never call a lady fat" said Alexei.

"Clever boy" said Gabriel. He ruffled his oldest son's shock of platinum blond hair.

"I wonder if Granddad can hear the noise" said Tallulah.

Angelo was just tucking his clothes away in the draws, and hiding his Christmas presents for his grandchildren away, when there was a massive thump from the room next door. He frowned, wondering what it was.

Lord Capulet, who was in the room nearby, also heard the thump and frowned.

Regina heard the thump in her room. _'Oh, what fun everyone is having!' _she thought to herself.

Saffiro landed on Eliseo's bed with another glorious thump.

"Out the way, Saffy!" urged Eliseo. Saffiro climbed off the bed, and Eliseo leapt off the wardrobe and onto his bed. Both boys giggled, and then Saffiro climbed back up onto the chest of drawers and then onto the wardrobe, before leaping off onto Eliseo's bed.

"What are you two doing in here?" asked Hermia, opening the door "Haha! Benvolio, come and have a look at this!"

"What is it?" asked Benvolio, wandering in.

"Do it, Eli!" cried Saffiro, sitting on his own bed. Eliseo sprung off the wardrobe onto the bed. Hermia laughed, but Benvolio gasped, horrified.

"You'll hurt yourselves! Stop it at once!"

"It's funny!" chided Hermia "I'm going to try it!"

"Hermia, no!" cried Benvolio "You'll get stuck between the wardrobe and the ceiling!"

"No, I won't!" Hermia clamoured on top of the chest of drawers and on top of the wardrobe. Benvolio looked on horrified, as she copied her sons and landed on Eliseo's bed "See? I'm fine. I used to do things like this when I was a kid all the time, and I never got hurt"

"Well, if one of you breaks something, then I'm not driving you to the nearest hospital!"

"Ah, the quiet room" sighed Romeo, reclining in an armchair. Juliet sat down on his lap and snuggled up against him.

"I couldn't believe how much Benvolio was shitting himself on that plane"

"Oh, that's just him" sighed Romeo "He's always hated flying. Going by boat isn't much better. He just goes green and starts throwing up. And long car journeys are pure hell. Poor Benny"

"Well, Hermia can deal with it now" Juliet joked.

"Good job we were on hand to take care of the kids"

"I'd rather be looking after two adorable children than a grown man afraid of flying!"

"That's so harsh!"

"But Saffy and Briony are so sweet. And Eliseo's so grown up now. I can't believe he'll be eleven tomorrow"

"It seems like only yesterday my family found out about our new 'surprise member' Both my dad and my uncle couldn't believe Benvolio had it in him"

Juliet chuckled lightly "It all turned out for the best, didn't it?"

"Yeah, it did"

By then, it was about time for dinner. The families made their way through to the hall, and sat down at a large elongated table reserved for them. Erin and Didier were squabbling, and so Tybalt and Rosaline both sat between them. Eliseo and Micro sat together at the corner of the table, and started giggling when Micro told Eliseo what Mercutio had done with the hotel telephone.

"Could my family have the vegetarian options, please?" asked Gabriel to the waiter.

"You're still carrying on with that vegetarian lark?" groaned Angelo.

"Yes!" cried Gabriel "I love animals. How could I bear to eat them?"

"I don't want to eat the cat!" Tallulah cried. The rest of the table laughed at her, but Tallulah looked horrified.

"We're not going to eat the cat. Only crazy savages eat cats. We're having a vegetarian meal" assured Gabriel. The family chatted until their food arrived, and then Jingle Jill jingled into the room.

"Right, tomorrow, we're going husky-riding"

"Huskies!" exclaimed Alexei delightedly. Gabriel smiled at him and squeezed his arm.

"Puppy!" exclaimed Saffiro "Daddy, I want puppy!"

"Yeah, Benvolio, what a great idea! Let's get a dog" said Hermia.

"I don't think that's a good idea" said Benvolio.

"I'd love a dog!" called Eliseo "Please, dad, say we can get a dog when we go back home. It can be my birthday present and my Christmas present all in one!"

"No" said Benvolio.

"Please" whined Hermia, Eliseo and Saffiro. Briony sat up in her armchair, and banged her rattle.

"Dog!" she squealed "Dog!"

"No! I don't like dogs!"

"You don't like dogs, you don't like cats, you don't like rabbits, you don't like guinea pigs, you don't like hamsters or gerbils. What pets can we have?" whined Eliseo.

"Dragon!" exclaimed Saffiro.

"No! I don't like animals"

"But I promise I'll look after it!" pleaded Eliseo.

"I want puppy!" cried Saffiro.

"What do you want a dog for? Pets are annoying" grumbled Lord Capulet.

"Hear, hear!" added Benvolio.

"Cats are wonderful!" cried Regina.

"You should definitely get your children pets!" exclaimed Gabriel loudly "It teaches them responsibility and to treat animals with respect, as well as desensitises them to allergies and stops them from being afraid of animals, particularly dogs. You love the cats, don't you kids?"

Gabriel's children all nodded and agreed in delight. Benvolio groaned softly, but Jingle Jill began talking again.

"Don't forget to wear hats and gloves for the trip, it's going to be cold. And the Pudding Bus will leave at ten 'o' clock prompt, so be there on time"

"God forbid we have to sing that ghastly song" muttered Tybalt.

Allegra's head turned "What was that, Turkey Tybalt?"

"I am not," growled Tybalt "called Turkey Tybalt!"

"Uncle Turkey!" sniggered Alexei.

"I'm not your uncle!"

"Well, what are you then?" asked Alexei "My aunty is your wife, so that makes you my uncle"

"Well, I am _your_ uncle" grumbled Tybalt "But I'm not Eliseo and Micro's uncle, I'm their second cousin or something"

"First cousin once removed" corrected Rosaline.

"So shall I call you cousin Turkey?" asked Micro.

"No!" Tybalt yelled "Call me Tybalt"

"Are we still supposed to call you daddy?" asked Erin.

Tybalt groaned "Yes, sweetheart, you can still call me daddy"

"See you in the morning, my little Puddingers!" called Jingle Jill.

"Puddingers?" asked Amparo, an eyebrow raised.

"I wouldn't even ask" Angelo shook his head.


	3. Trying To Get Ready

Cornadopia - Thank you! I'm so glad the kids are all right. I love writing them! Let me know if they're not in character, etc.

RichardIII1955 - Lol, I used to jump off the wardrobe all the time as a kid. It was fun!

So, the families have survived their first night? But will the first morning go off without a hitch? After all, it's such a hassle trying to get everybody ready, everybody eating their breakfast...Oh, and it's Eliseo's birthday!

* * *

"Dad!" whined Alexei "I'm busting!"

"I'm in the bath!" yelled Gabriel "Go away!"

"I really need to go!"

"You should have gone before I got in!" shouted Gabriel.

"I did! You've been two hours!" Alexei moaned.

"No, I haven't, I've only been in here for one! Go away and let me have my bath in peace!"

"But I need to go!"

"Go to Granddad's room and ask to use his toilet" instructed Amparo, changing Natalio's nappy.

Hopping with his legs crossed, Alexei hurried out of his hotel room and along to Angelo's room. Along the way, he heard Didier having one of his 'Terrible Twos' tantrums and Tybalt shouting at him. He got to Angelo's room, and hammered on the door.

Angelo opened the door "Alexei? You're up bright and early"

"Dad's in the bath and I really need the loo!" whined Alexei.

Wordlessly, Angelo moved aside and let Alexei rush into his bathroom. Typical Gabriel. He spent ages in the bathroom. Angelo recalled the time that he was having the bathrooms retiled, and the only usable one was Gabriel's en suite (since Gabriel decided that the new tiles were disgusting and reminded him of vomit, and therefore refused to have them in his bathroom) After Gabriel had been in there for two hours, Angelo really needed to go. He'd dashed in, thinking that Gabriel couldn't really have been that long, and if he had, then he wouldn't mind, since they were both guys and Angelo had changed his nappy. But Gabriel had screamed in horror and ordered him out. Angelo couldn't understand why that boy was so petty!

Alexei emerged.

"How long has that idiot been in the bathroom?" asked Angelo.

Alexei giggled as Angelo called his dad an idiot "About two hours. He said I should have gone in before he did, but I did, he just takes so long that I need the loo again!"

Angelo shook his head "Come on then, we'll go and get breakfast. You know, I think we might be the first family down there. What do you usually have for breakfast?"

Alexei clasped Angelo's hand delightedly, and they hurried down the stairs together. Angelo was right, and they were the first down there. Angelo directed him to a table, and then helped him chose what he wanted for breakfast from the buffet.

"Look, they've got bacon and sausages" said Angelo, pointing.

"My dad says it's cruel to eat meat" said Alexei.

"Well, he's not here, is he? And you won't be condemned to hell for having a bit of bacon. Go on, try a bit"

"I normally have croissants and healthy cereal" said Alexei. Angelo saw the doubt in his grandson's face. Part of Alexei appeared interested in what the taste of meat might actually be like, and yet the other part of him seemed as though he wanted to remain loyal to Gabriel's beliefs.

"Have something different. Try something new! How are you going to know if you don't try a bit?" asked Angelo.

"Perhaps another day" said Alexei.

"I'll tell you what" sighed Angelo, disappointed he hadn't succeeded in his plan to piss off Gabriel by converting his children to meat-eaters "We'll get what you like and put it on your plate, and we'll get what I like and put it on my plate. And then if you want to try a bit, then you can"

Alexei happily agreed to this plan, and they both sat at a table for two.

"Alexei?" shrieked Gabriel, running through the halls "Alexei? Oh my God, there you are!"

Gabriel ran across the dining room and seized his son in an embrace.

"What's the matter?" asked Angelo.

"I thought he'd been kidnapped, I couldn't find him anywhere!" cried Gabriel, kissing Alexei's forehead and stroking his blond hair "Why the hell didn't you tell me he was with you?"

"I thought it was obvious" grumbled Angelo.

"Poo-delayer" sulked Alexei.

"Bath-rusher" retorted Gabriel.

"Hey! Stop being immature" scolded Angelo.

* * *

Back upstairs, Hermia and Benvolio were frantically trying to get their children ready on time for breakfast.

"Mum, I'm hungry" whined Eliseo.

"I know, sweetheart, we all are. But if little missus here hadn't needed another nappy changed..."

Briony gurgled, sucking her hand.

"Why have I got to go hungry on my birthday because Briony needed her nappy changed?" Eliseo continued to whine.

"Saffy, put your clothes on!" cried Benvolio, chasing after Saffiro.

"No!"

"And because Saffy is stripping" added Eliseo.

"Come on, you need your clothes on for breakfast. Or we're going to miss it"

"No!"

"Just hold him down and shove them on" instructed Hermia.

"But I might hurt him"

"Then you change Briony's nappy and I'll put his clothes on" Hermia grabbed Saffiro and plonked a t-shirt over his head before he could protest. Benvolio shook his head in amusement, before finishing changing Briony's nappy. The family trooped downstairs, with Eliseo's stomach growling.

"You took your time" stated Juliet.

"Sorry. Saffiro seems to have taken up naturism" shrugged Hermia.

"We're going to miss the Pudding Bus and seeing Jingle Jill" grinned Micro, nudging Eliseo and looking over at Tybalt.

"Eat _all_ your breakfast, Didier!"

"No!" Didier snapped. He grabbed a sausage and threw it across the room.

"Didier! Don't throw food, you bad boy!"

"No, Tybalt, he's not a bad boy, he's behaving _like_ a bad boy. If you keep telling him he _is_ a bad boy, then he'll _think_ he's a bad boy and act like one!" corrected Rosaline.

"Whatever, Supernanny" sulked Tybalt, wiping grease from Didier's fingers.

"So, who's looking forward to husky-riding?" asked Juliet.

"Me!" shrieked all the children on the table.

"Please can we get a dog?" begged Eliseo, tugging at his dad's arm.

"Hey, look, it's the birthday boy!" said Romeo loudly.

"Happy birthday, Eliseo. I remember when you were born. You looked just like your daddy" said Mercutio.

"Yes, as you so infamously shouted" Lord Capulet reminisced.

"Oh, I remember it like yesterday" clucked Regina "It was so exciting!"

"Come to your aunty Allegra and aunty Juliet for a special birthday kiss" called Allegra, puckering her lips teasingly.

"Ew, no way!" cried Eliseo. Briony leaned forwards out of her highchair and plonked a sloppy kiss on Eliseo's cheek.

"Urgh, baby slobber" he groaned, as she laughed delightedly.

"Aw, she loves you" cooed Hermia "Come on, everyone, eat breakfast, so we can go off husky-riding in time. And then when we get back we can have cake and Eliseo can unwrap his presents"

The family were eventually ready. They all clamoured onto the Pudding Bus, and Jingle Jill greeted them. Eliseo and Micro sat together behind Tybalt and whispered in low voices irritating words that were loud enough for Tybalt to hear, but so that no one else could hear, so he couldn't turn around and tell them off without being accused of being mean to them. Vittoria and Rocco sat behind Micro and Eliseo and laughed at all they could hear, annoying Tybalt even more.

"So now" said Jingle Jill "Who's going to help me search for Santa?"

"He's not real!" shouted Alexei.

"Sure he is!" lied Gabriel, nudging Tallulah.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm a bit busy, I have to cut my toenails" said Micro.

"Yeah, I have to scratch my bum" added Eliseo. Sitting across from them next to Angelo, Alexei giggled. The other two boys looked at him and smiled. Alexei smiled back.

"I have to count the snowflakes" said Alexei.

"And I have to hug Uncle Tibby" said Micro. He pounced on Tybalt from behind and hugged him "Hugging"

"Get off me, you rat!" yelled Tybalt, struggling out of Micro's grip "And I'm not your uncle!"

"Don't shout at him like that! He's just playing" snapped Allegra.

"I don't give a shi- I mean, damn, get your brat off of me!"

"He's not a brat!" Allegra snapped again "Micro, put Turkey Tybalt down, he has germs"

"Urgh, yuck!" Micro let go and slumped next to Eliseo, who laughed at his second cousin.

"I thought I said there was going to be no arguing?" Lord Capulet scowled.

"We weren't arguing with Uncle Tibby, we were giving him a hug, but he got cross with us" Micro's bottom lip jutted out.

"You're not my friend anymore, Uncle Tibby!" added Eliseo.

"Don't like you anymore" said Rocco, gaining a grin of approval from Micro.

"Shut up!" snapped Tybalt.

"Don't talk to them like that! They're only little boys!" Hermia retorted.

"You're ruining my birthday, Uncle Tibby" sulked Eliseo.

"Stupid Uncle Tibby" added Vittoria.

"Now, let's all sing the Pudding Bus Song!" declared Jingle Jill.


	4. Husky Riding

RichardIII1955 - Teehee, I love writing those three boys. They are the Second Generation of Montague Boys!

So, everyone managed to go to the toilet, eat their breakfast and get to the Pudding Bus on time for husky riding. But is the family in for a charming little tour, or a drive of hell? Alexei's relation to Amparo is explained, and there are spoilers from the unwritten final installment of the Child Swap series, Measure Against Measure.

Small bit of disclaiming. Allegra's dad Tancredo is mentioned. He's not mine (which is good because he sucks because he doesn't like Wooshy-wo) he belongs to Cornadopia.

* * *

"Mum, what's that smell?" asked Erin, wrinkling her nose.

"Dog shit" replied Tybalt.

"Dog _excrement_" corrected Rosaline.

"It stinks!" Didier exclaimed.

"Welcome to husky-riding!" declared Jingle Jill in an overly enthusiastic voice "These huskies are going to take you for a tour of the scenery. It's two to a cart. All children under two must be held by a responsible adult. You shouldn't ride these huskies if you are pregnant"

"Oh, fantastic. I'll just stand here, shall I?" grumbled Rosaline.

Angelo patted Rosaline's shoulder "Don't worry about it, love, I'll wait with you. You can tell me all about how Erin's doing at school"

"But I wanted to sit next to you!" protested Alexei.

"Perhaps another time" said Angelo gently "We've got all holiday. There are lots of other fun things to do, aren't there?"

"So far I've had to ride in a 'Pudding Bus' and sing a 'Pudding Bus Song' and suffer through leaving Erin and Didier in the same room for a whole night. Sure we're having fun, dad" scowled Rosaline.

"Everybody in the carts!"

Tybalt sat at the front of the carts with Didier, near Jingle Jill. Without her mum to sit next to, Erin sat next to her cousin Tallulah, and they started to talk about all the girly things they hoped to get for Christmas. Gabriel and Amparo sat together, with Natalio on Gabriel's lap. Without his granddad, Alexei had no one to sit next to. Sadly, he shuffled to the back of the carts and sat on his own. Eliseo and Micro looked at one another, and then crammed themselves into the same cart as him.

"You don't want to sit on your own, do you?" asked Micro "That's boring. Let's sit together and throw snowballs at Jingle Jill!"

Rocco and Vittoria went and sat in front of the three boys, and turned around, waiting for the three to do something naughty and hilarious.

"I may as well as just have stayed at home" Rosaline went on, as she stood watching everyone clamour into carts "The only thing I can do is sit around watching telly right now. And that's what Christmas is about anyway. Sitting on the sofa, watching the telly. That's Christmas. This isn't Christmas"

"Oh, quit moaning!" Juliet rolled her eyes "We've come here to try something new"

"Yeah, there's snow up here, we don't get any back home!" shouted Eliseo, aiming a snowball at Tybalt's head as the carts began to move.

"Don't throw snowballs at me you little-!" snarled Tybalt.

"Don't talk to my son like that, Turkey Tibby!" Hermia shouted.

"It snowed the year you were born" said Benvolio "And stop arguing! Didn't Egues say on the plane that there was to be no arguing?"

"Yes, I did" added Lord Capulet "No arguing!"

"As if that'll ever happen" muttered Gabriel to Amparo, who snickered. The huskies ran along, and Rosaline and Angelo faded into the distance. Alexei gave one last wave to Angelo, and then turned around.

"Do you like your granddad?" asked Micro to Alexei.

"Yes, I wish I could see him more" sighed Alexei "He and my dad just argue though"

"We don't see our granddads" said Micro, gesturing to his siblings "Granddad Tancredo doesn't like my mum anymore, and Granddad Chris is always drunk. But I see my great-uncle Egues when we're in Verona"

"That's my granddad" said Eliseo proudly "I see him all the time. He gives me sweets and looks after me and Saffy and Briony, even though Saffy put slugs and carrots down the toilet, when my mum and dad can't. Sometimes he picks me up from school. And I see my Granddad Anthony too. He takes us to the park and sometimes people think I'm his son!"

"That's because your mum and dad were young when they had you. So were mine, actually" said Micro.

"My dad was nineteen" added Alexei "But Amparo was nearly thirty four"

"Is she your mum?" asked Eliseo.

"No, she's my step-mum, but she's like my mum" explained Alexei "Tallulah and Natalio are my half-siblings. I call Tallulah 'Loo-la' and I call Natalio 'Nat the Brat'"

The other two boys laughed.

"I don't have any mean names for my brother and sister, but everyone calls Saffiro Saffy for short. I think he's funny sometimes. Once he put dad's tie and a washing up glove in the shredder" laughed Eliseo. The other boys and Vittoria laughed.

"Saffy is naughty, but he is funny" added Rocco.

"Briony's still a baby, but she's still really cute and funny too. She gives sloppy kisses!" Eliseo exclaimed.

"We saw her kiss you earlier" giggled Alexei.

"Yuck, yuck!" said Micro.

At the front of the carts, Erin turned to Tallulah "I'm asking for pink nail varnish for Christmas. My mummy wears red nail varnish usually, but I prefer to have my own colour"

"That's a good idea. My dad let me put his silver nail varnish on yesterday"

"Why does your dad wear nail varnish?" asked Erin.

Tallulah shrugged "That's just who he is"

"My dad doesn't"

"Damn straight!" barked Tybalt.

"You'd look ugly with nail varnish on" said Erin, turning around "You wouldn't look right"

"No, you'd look like a sex-changer man with whiskers" stated Tallulah.

"Sex-changer man with whiskers?" Tybalt frowned.

"Yes" said Tallulah "A sex-changer man with whiskers"

"Ok, whatever" sighed Tybalt, making sure Didier was behaving himself.

"Ginger whiskers" added Tallulah.

"I'm not ginger!" growled Tybalt.

"Yes, you are" said Tallulah, matter-of-factly "Didier has the same hair colour as you, and he's ginger"

"Me and Didier aren't ginger" lied Tybalt "We have brown hair"

"Not ginger" sulked Didier.

"See?"

"Yes, you are, daddy! You do have ginger hair! Mummy says you do!" shouted Erin.

"Keep your voice down!" hissed Tybalt "Mummy's wrong. I have brown hair"

"No, you don't, it's ginger" said Gabriel, leaning over "I know loads about hair care, and you are so totally ginger"

"No, no, my Tibby's not ginger!" clucked Regina, leaning over.

"Thank you" said Tybalt grumpily.

"He's got golden hair. Just like a little angel" Regina cooed.

"You're like a gingerbread man!" laughed Erin.

"What if someone ate you?" added Tallulah.

"Stop being annoying! The pair of you!"

"She's not being annoying, she's just asking questions" Gabriel retorted "And you are ginger. But there's no shame in that! My old friend Ceres, he used to dye his hair auburn and he grew it long, past his shoulders. It looked amazing"

"Well, I don't want long girly hair, thank you very much"

"Such a shame!" sighed Gabriel "He'd have killed for your natural colour"

"So, who can see Santa?" shouted Jingle Jill.

"The Tooth Fairy!" Micro shouted back.

"Who isn't real!" Alexei shouted as well.

"Yes, she is!" lied Gabriel.

"Well, we'll have to keep looking!" sang Jingle Jill.

"So, do you think the kids are enjoying this?" asked Juliet to Hermia.

"Oh, I think so. Eliseo and Micro are getting along well as usual. It's so nice they are the same age. When I had him, I did worry that he wouldn't have any family members his own age, and that he'd get lumbered looking after the little ones, but it has all turned out nicely"

"What about you, Saffy, are you having fun?" asked Juliet.

"No"

"No?"

"Want go fast!" Saffiro demanded.

"Saffy, the carts are already going very fast" Benvolio leaned over "And I'm already feeling poorly"

"Fast!" demanded Saffiro.

"Sit back down, take deep breaths, and if you feel like you're going to hurl, aim it at Tybalt" instructed Hermia.

"Tybalt's at the front"

"Gabriel, then"

"He's on the nice side now!"

"Anyone who's not me!"

"Or me!" added Juliet.

"Me neither!" said Romeo.

"Yeah, don't turn your head backwards!" added Allegra. Benvolio suddenly turned a very funny green colour.

"Uh oh" said Mercutio "STOP THE HUSKIES! HE'S GOING TO HURL!"

The huskies juddered to a halt. Benvolio staggered off, and retched. Eliseo looked embarrassed. Gabriel winced disgustedly.

"Here, have a drink" said Hermia, pressing a bottle of water to his hand "At least it wasn't one of the kids. You did it very neatly"

"In front of everyone" mumbled Benvolio "And after freaking out on a plane"

"Oh, come on, everyone here knows you and is used to you. And at least the only people out here are Eskimos and polar bears, and none of them are going to care about a bit of sick"

"He's ok!" yelled Mercutio "Come on, Benny, back in the cart. We've got to search for Santa!"

"Yay!" Micro cheered sarcastically.

"He's not real!" added Alexei.

"Yes, he is!" lied Gabriel.


	5. Eliseo's Birthday

RichardIII1955 - Mercutio is the best!

Oh dear, poor Benvolio! Some people just don't take to speed much. So, it's time to celebrate Eliseo's eleventh birthday. Erin and Didier argue, again. Erin and Didier's relationship is heavily based on mine and my brothers (for the record, he's a twat)

* * *

"Did you have fun?" asked Angelo.

"Daddy was sick!" announced Saffiro.

"Ok, Saffy, that's enough" groaned Benvolio "Urgh, I need to sit down"

"Come along now, my Puddingers, lunch will be ready at the hotel. Get ready to sing the Pudding Bus Song!"

"Great" muttered Lord Capulet.

"Please, no" moaned Tybalt.

"I would rather not" Amparo rolled her eyes.

"And I don't want to search for Santa, he's not real!" Alexei shouted. Eliseo and Micro giggled at their new friend, and then all three of them clamoured into a two-seater.

"Alexei, that's enough! You're ruining it for the little kids" scolded Gabriel.

"I not little!" argued Didier.

"Diddy. You are two years old" said Tybalt.

"I big boy" pouted Didier.

"No, you're not. You're a baby" taunted Erin "Diddy Didier!"

"Not baby!" shouted Didier.

"Didier, hush. It's very rude to shout at people like that. And Erin, Didier is not a baby. He is a young boy. The baby in my tummy is the baby now" said Rosaline firmly, sitting down next to Didier. Tybalt sat down next to his daughter, and stroked her golden blonde hair.

"You're the oldest, and you need to look after your little brothers. Understand?"

"I don't want another smelly brother, I want a sister" sulked Erin.

"Don't like you" Didier stuck his tongue out. Erin stuck hers further out and glared at him.

"Stop it!" commanded Rosaline "That's very bad manners!"

"Be good for your parents, you two!" Regina interfered.

Hermia was just sniggering at the five.

"We're going to sing some Christmassy songs now!" announced Jingle Jill "Who's going to join in?"

The whole bus was silent.

"I said...who's going to join in with me?"

"Your mum!" shouted Micro. Alexei and Eliseo laughed. Mercutio giggled helplessly at his son.

"He's certainly inherited your sense of humour" remarked Allegra.

"Ah, but your sense of humour is equally hilarious, pretty one"

"Will you two please just stop slobbering over one another?" asked Romeo, leaning over.

"Us? Slobbering over one another? You can talk!" scoffed Mercutio "This is affection, idiot"

"Guys, stop it" said Benvolio, pushing his friends back into their seats "Now, we're all going to sing some Christmas songs, and we'll-"

"So you'll sing with me, won't you, cute ass?" said Jingle Jill.

"Ah, I'm sorry?" Benvolio's eyebrows rose.

"I said, you'll sing with me, won't you, cute ass?"

"Um...well...I...I have just been sick"

"That's my husband you're hitting on there" scowled Hermia "Shove off!"

"Oooh, here goes. Bitch fight!" Gabriel rubbed his hands together eagerly.

"Hermia!" hissed Juliet frantically "Don't you dare start on the holiday rep!"

Hermia's sparkly green eyes narrowed to catlike slits, and a very fierce Tybalt-like look flickered across her face.

"Um," squeaked Benvolio "Who wants to play 'I Spy?'"

"I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with L!" Eliseo announced.

"Loose woman!" Micro pointed at Jingle Jill.

"That wasn't quite it..." said Eliseo "But that was a very good try!"

"Where did you hear the term 'loose woman'?" asked Allegra.

"Read it one of Aunty Rosaline's magazines" shrugged Micro "Anyway, I'm kind of bored of seeing Aunty Hermia square up to the holiday rep, can I have a biscuit?"

"Yes, I brought some in my bag, in fact" said Lord Capulet "Here you go. Go and share them around with your brother and sister and all your cousins and friends. That was pretty tiring, all that husky riding, right?"

Ten minutes later, Hermia had her left hand with her wedding and engagement ring resting on the seat in front of her, where everyone could see it. Her right hand clasped Benvolio's left thigh possessively. Benvolio himself was blushing red, and looked around the bus awkwardly. Briony was now sitting on Juliet's lap, and Saffiro sat next to his big brother.

"There's a world outside your window, and it's a world of dread and fear. Where the only water flowing, is the bitter sting of tears. And the Christmas bells that ring there, are the clanging chimes of doom. Well, tonight, thank God, it's them, instead of you!" howled Jingle Jill.

"Oh, this is cheerful" grumbled Rosaline "Singing about starving children in Africa dying during Christmas. Yeah, this is festive"

"And there won't be snow in Africa, this Christmas time. The greatest gift they'll get this year is life!" Jingle Jill went on.

"Give the moaning a rest, Rosaline!" instructed Juliet "It's Christmas! Well, technically, it's Eliseo's birthday today. We're all together, we're all trying something new, and we're all having fun, right?"

"Oh, sure, the anniversary of when I got shot and almost died brings up such pleasant memories, doesn't it, Gabriel?" Tybalt glared.

Gabriel twisted around "I said sorry"

"Yeah, we're having such fun" added Rosaline spitefully "I don't know why you bothered booking this trip. And I don't know why I bothered coming. I'd rather be at home, on my sofa, with all my things, and Tibby taking care of me"

"Don't be silly, it's a little adventure!" Regina dismissed.

"I'm bored!" Erin added. Juliet sighed, and sank back into her seat. She'd been the one to organize the Christmas trip. She'd seen an advert on the television, about this little package holiday, to go up to Lapland for Christmas. The hotel seemed nice, the trips seemed exciting, and it sounded like the perfect thing to do with a big family like hers. She loved spending time with her nieces and nephews. It hadn't taken her long to persuade everyone to come, but now they were here...things weren't as idyllic as she had planned.

* * *

"Present time for the birthday boy!" cried Hermia, putting a present on Eliseo's lap.

"Is it a puppy?" asked Eliseo eagerly.

"How would a puppy fit in there?" muttered Rosaline gloomily.

"No, it's a..." Eliseo ripped off the paper "Thank you, mum and dad!"

"You're welcome, sunshine" said Hermia, kissing the top of his head "Now, Benvolio, pass over the present from Saffy and Briony"

Benvolio handed it over, and Eliseo squealed delightedly.

"Thank you, Saffy. Thank you, Briony"

Briony reached up for Eliseo, and he scooped her up and cuddled her.

"Ah, she loves her big brother so much" cooed Hermia.

"Why can't you two ever just get along like that?" hissed Tybalt out of the corner of his mouth to Erin and Didier. Two pairs of identical catlike grey eyes glared at him.

"I'm sure they love each other really" chirped Regina. Three pairs of identical catlike grey eyes glared at her.

"Romeo, could you pass me our present for Eliseo?" Juliet turned, to try and find her husband, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Oh" said Mercutio "Where's Romeo? Toilet?"

"He was here a minute ago" said Allegra "He kept looking out of the window, though"

Juliet marched to the window, and sure enough, there was Romeo, outside. Half a dozen cameras were set up in a semi-circle around him, and in the centre, he stood with a telescope and held a pair of binoculars.

Juliet wrenched open the window a little bit "Romeo! What the hell are you doing? It's evening, and Eliseo's opening his presents!"

"I'm looking for the Northern Lights!" Romeo shouted back "I thought I saw a flash of them just now. I've always wanted to see them. I'm not coming in until I've seen them!"

"You're stupid!" Mercutio shoved Juliet aside "In about an hour, the temperature is going to drop to negative something, and you'll be standing around in the cold. You'll get frostbite. Plus, it's Eliseo's birthday. We're having cake in about ten minutes. Come inside and see him!"

"I saw him this morning! And anyway, stop distracting me, they might have just appeared and I might have just missed them!"

"Idiot!" yelled Mercutio, shutting the window.

"Why doesn't he just get those cameras, and stick them on the windows? Then he'll see the Northern Lights if they appear, and he won't have to stand in the cold" suggested Gabriel.

"Because they'd fall off, you retard. What would he use? Blue-tack?" scorned Tybalt.

"I didn't mean stick them on the windows. I mean place them facing out of the windows" retorted Gabriel.

"Well then, why didn't you say that?" mocked Tybalt.

"Because I thought it was obvious, dimwit" Gabriel scowled.

"That's enough!" Juliet intervened "Regardless of Romeo being an idiot, it's birthday time"

"Happy birthday, Eliseo" announced Vittoria, plonking her present on Eliseo's lap.

"Thanks, Tory!" said Eliseo. He hugged his second cousin, and pulled off the wrapping paper. Briony cried delightedly as it flew in the air, and grabbed a fistful.

"You're welcome!" replied Vittoria, folding a piece of paper into a hat and balanced it on Briony's head. Briony giggled happily.

"Where's my present, Uncle Tibby?" asked Eliseo.

"Yes, cough up, Uncle Tibby" added Micro.

"Or didn't you get him one? That's rather rude now, isn't it, Uncle Tibby?" remarked Alexei.

"Um...yeah, sure, I got you a present!" lied Tybalt "It's just..."

"Non-existent?" Alexei raised a blond eyebrow.

"No, no...it's here!" Tybalt yanked twenty Euros out of his pocket and shoved them in Eliseo's hand "Here, have some birthday money!"

"That was very nice of you, Tybalt" said Hermia.

"Thank you, Uncle Tibby!" Eliseo gave a charming smile.

"Especially as I just gave him a gift voucher for HMV" Rosaline finished.

Tybalt groaned.


	6. The Second Day

RichardIII1955 - I've got an even longer chapter today!

Also...it's been a year and a day since I finished A Long Year's Nightmare! Blimey, it seems like only yesterday. I loved writing that. It's probably my favourite out of the Child Swap series. Well, today, the families go quad biking and then visit some Eskimos, or should I say, the Sami people. I don't know much about them, so sorry if I get it wrong or cause offence.

Also, this chapter contains a spoiler from the unpublished final installment of the Child Swap series. It's still in progress, and I don't intend to publish it in the near future, so I suppose it doesn't matter.

* * *

All of the families had survived the first night and the first day. The day after Eliseo's birthday, they sat together in the dining hall.

"These sausages are the nicest sausages I have ever had" declared Erin.

"Better than 'Sausage Surprise?'" asked Regina.

"Anything is better than 'Sausage Surprise'" muttered Rosaline to Tybalt, who simply snorted. Rosaline turned back to Didier "Didier, eat your breakfast. Stop making faces out of it"

Didier sulked, but continued to poke at his food.

"So, does anyone know what we're doing today?" asked Mercutio.

"We're going quad-biking through the snow to search for Santa" replied Juliet.

"He's not real" Alexei said loudly.

"Yes, he is!" lied Gabriel.

"That's enough" said Amparo firmly "Tallulah will know when she's old enough to understand"

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Alexei.

"So, Santa isn't real? Is that what you mean?" asked Tallulah, her dark eyes wide.

"Finally" muttered Alexei.

"Of course not!" Angelo lied "Gabe believed in Santa when he was your age. He still does, don't you?"

"Number one," said Gabriel "Don't ever call me Gabe again. Number two, I am a Wiccan, and have been for the past nine or ten years. I don't believe in Santa, but Tallulah has a right to believe in what she chooses"

"Quad-biking" said Rosaline scornfully "I don't suppose I'll be able to do that either, will I?"

"You might, you won't know until you get there" replied Juliet.

"Not quad-biking. No. I'll just have to stand around waiting again this time. What a fun and happy Christmas I'm having"

"Well, the kids seem to like it" said Juliet. Rosaline turned to look Eliseo and Micro, who were happily chatting to Mercutio as they ate breakfast, then at Saffiro and Briony, who seemed very happy, then at Rocco and Vittoria, who were behaving themselves for Allegra, then to Gabriel's kids, who were just settling after their disagreement, and then at her own children and Tybalt.

"Stop breathing on me, Didier!" snapped Erin "Your breath smells!"

"You smell!" Didier shouted back.

"Stop it!" yelled Tybalt "Eat your breakfast!"

"Sure, Juliet, sure" Rosaline raised a thin blonde eyebrow. They were interrupted by a snore from Romeo, as he slept with his head on the table. Rosaline sniffed "Idiot"

"Good morning, my little Puddingers!" shouted Jingle Jill as they boarded the Pudding Bus.

"Good morning" muttered the families. Today, Tybalt and Juliet sat together, and Rosaline and Angelo sat with Erin and Didier. Romeo spread himself out on a double seat and soon fell asleep. Eliseo, Micro and Alexei grabbed the back seats and started messing around.

"She's so annoying" muttered Tybalt to Juliet as Jingle Jill jingled onto the bus.

"Look, here's what we'll do. We'll try and make friends with her" Juliet muttered back "And then she'll stop being so annoying once she drops the overly-enthusiastic holiday rep act"

"Good idea, sweetipops" replied Regina "What shall we do?"

"I'll ask her about her job and be polite" Juliet whispered back. Jingle Jill plonked herself down by Tybalt and Juliet.

"So, do you do this every year?" asked Juliet politely.

"Oh, yeah" replied Jingle Jill.

"You must love it" added Regina

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I love it. I love kids, me" lied Jingle Jill. At the back of the bus, Micro was trying to stand up on the backs of the seats. Tybalt turned around and gawped at him. Jingle Jill turned around and saw him "Oi! Stop that you little shi- cherub!"

Eventually, they made it to the quad-biking area.

"Right, before we begin, can I just say, helmets must be worn, and that if you are pregnant-"

"Told you" muttered Rosaline, stepping back from the bikes.

"All children under twelve must be strapped to the back of a responsible adult's bike!"

"So not you, Mercutio" Tybalt taunted, as Micro went to climb onto the back of Mercutio's bike.

"No arguing!" Lord Capulet barked.

"I've always wanted a motorbike" said Gabriel, clamouring over one.

"I've only ever ridden on the back of these before" said Angelo, sitting on one.

"Oh, try it, you'll love it" Jingle Jill grinned "It's just like riding a bike"

"I haven't done that since I passed my driving test" remarked Angelo.

"Well, give it a go!"

"Ok, well, I suppose I just have to press these and – AAAAAAARGH!" screamed Angelo as the bike shot off. Gabriel shrieked with laughter. Angelo's bike jerked along the stony path, before hitting a tree. Angelo was flung from the bike as it juddered to a halt against the tree. Gabriel stopped laughing, and gulped.

"Granddad's dead!" cried Erin.

"I'm...I'm ok!" groaned Angelo.

Gabriel burst out laughing again "You idiot! Oh my God, you're so behind on the times! You can't even ride a quad bike! I suppose I'll have to get you a Nokia to replace that iPhone of yours for Christmas, make things a bit simpler for you"

"That's not funny!" snapped Rosaline, rushing forwards to help Angelo up.

"I suppose I ought to wait with you" Angelo stood upright.

"He's fine!" said Tybalt.

"Are you kidding? He just survived cancer a few years ago!" snapped Rosaline.

"All right, all right, that'll do. I'm fine" said Angelo. He glared at Gabriel, who was giggling hysterically.

"Granddad!" cried Alexei, rushing to embrace him.

"There, there. I'm ok. Don't worry" said Angelo, stroking his grandson's hair.

Once again, he and Rosaline stood and waited whilst the rest of the families went off quad-biking. Eliseo and Micro whooped with laughter on the back of Hermia and Mercutio's bikes, as they sped ahead of the group. Benvolio trailed at the back, trying not to make it go too fast to avoid a repeat of the husky riding sick incident. Briony didn't seem to mind. At lunchtime, they returned to the hotel for lunch, and then they were going to and meet the locals.

"I don't know why we're bothering to go and meet local people" grumbled Rosaline as they walked back into the hotel "I can see local people any time I want to"

"It might be interesting. They're going to tell us a traditional story and we're going to get to sit in one of their little tent things. I think it sounds fun" replied Juliet.

"Oh, yeah, I like the sound of it" added Mercutio "Wait a minute, where are Eliseo and Micro?"

A snowball hit him squarely on the chest.

"It's ok" said Allegra "They're nearby"

* * *

"Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle sing and jingle bell stop. Dancing, and prancing, in jingle bell square, in the frosty air!" Jingle Jill howled down the microphone.

"My head" groaned Tybalt "Urgh"

"Does Turkey Tybalt have a headache?" asked Allegra, leaning over.

"I'm not called Turkey Tybalt!"

"Here Tibby, have some paracetemol" said Rosaline, handing over a few tablets.

"Are they drugs?" asked Alexei, peering over.

"No" said Tybalt "They're headache tablets"

"Do you have a headache?" asked Alexei, his blue eyes dancing.

"What do you think?" growled Tybalt.

"Hmm..." said Alexei, his eyes dancing even more wildly "I think it's time to join in with Jingle Jill! JINGLE BELL TIME, IT'S A SWELL TIME, TO GO RIDING IN A ONE HORSE SLEIGH!"

"Alexei, stop singing!" cried Gabriel, clasping his hands to ears "As much as I dearly love you, you have the most terrible singing voice I have ever heard"

"Oh, doesn't take after you then" retorted Tybalt.

"No, Alexei and I are quite dissimilar. I am a danseur noble, and he dances like a drunken father at a wedding after having too much champagne" said Gabriel.

"I'm a good swimmer, though" Alexei added.

"You're a fantastic swimmer. You are my little dolphin" said Gabriel "We can't all be good at the same things"

Tybalt shrugged, and swallowed the paracetemol. The Pudding Bus surged onwards through the snows.

"Look at those funny little huts, Tallulah" said Erin, pointing "Do you think they live in them all year round?"

"I don't know" shrugged Tallulah "Why don't we ask them?"

"Why don't we pull the pegs out of them?" sniggered Eliseo.

"But then the tents will all collapse" said Erin.

"Yes, exactly. And if one of the Eskimos is snoring, then the tent material would go up and down and up and down!" giggled Eliseo, moving his hands up and down to demonstrate. The two girls giggled, and turned to look out of the window again. The bus juddered to a halt, and the families clamoured out.

"Is this it?" Rosaline scowled.

"No, there's a great big underground ice palace" retorted Hermia "Of course this is it!"

"This is rubbish" Rosaline snapped "We've come all this way to sit in tents?"

"No arguing!" barked Lord Capulet "Honestly, you're worse than the kids"

"Well, we've done other stuff" shrugged Tybalt.

"No, Tybalt. _You've_ done other stuff. I've had to stand around like a lemon"

"How do lemons stand, Aunty Rosaline?" asked Alexei.

"Like this" said Micro, sucking his cheeks in and bulging his eyes. Eliseo laughed, and then told his friends his plan to pull out the pegs off the tents.

"Come inside, come inside!" called an Eskimo.

"Hello Mr. Eskimo!" greeted Micro.

"We're not Eskimos, we're the Sami people"

"Oh. Sorry Mr. Sami" said Micro. Eliseo and Alexei giggled.

"Welcome to our home"

"This is so exciting" whispered Juliet to Hermia "Imagine living in one of these! It would be so weird"

"It would make a change from the Manor, wouldn't it, dad?" said Hermia.

"I don't think I could get used to it" admitted Lord Capulet "That place is my childhood home. And I'd miss all my creature comforts"

"It would be fun to try, though, wouldn't it?" said Hermia.

"How would it be fun?" sniffed Rosaline "It smells like a dead cat"

"And I suppose you like going around sniffing dead cats then, don't you?" taunted Hermia. Rosaline rolled her eyes and shook her head, reluctantly paying attention to the man speaking. Mercutio appeared engrossed in what he was saying, sitting still with his eyes fixated.

"Mum" whispered Rocco.

"What is it?" whispered Allegra.

"I think there's something wrong with dad"

"What is it?"

"He's sitting still!"

Allegra snorted with laughter "It's because he's interested, you numpty. He loves going travelling and meeting new people"

Micro leaned over "Can I go travelling when I'm older?"

"You know you can, you little monster"

"Can I take Eliseo and Alexei with me?"

"If Eliseo and Alexei want to go, then yes"

"Bored" muttered Didier.

"We all are" growled Tybalt.

"Can we go home?" asked Erin.

"No!"

"But you said you were bored"

"Yes, I'm bored, but we can't go home" Tybalt hissed at his kids "We have to stay here. It won't be long. Just...tell yourself a story to keep yourself busy"

"About what?"

"Anything!"

"A fire-breathing dragon?"

"Why not?" shrugged Tybalt.

"Stop whispering, you're being really loud!" Juliet muttered.

"The kids are bored!"

"They're kids, it's you I meant!"

"I'm trying to shut them up!"

"Yes, and it's really rude. That man is trying to talk to us about his people and their culture, and Rosaline is complaining she can smell dead cats and you three are talking about fire-breathing dragons?"

"What's this about a fire-breathing dragon?" asked Regina, leaning over.

"Nothing, mum" sighed Tybalt.

Juliet just shook her head, and turned to see Romeo checking his watch.

"What are you doing?"

"Checking my watch. It's getting dark. You know, if we're in here too long, I might miss the Northern Lights"

"Romeo!"


	7. Christmas Eve

RichardIII1955 - It was one of my favourite chapters to write, lol. Poor Angelo! As for Jingle Jill, she's heavily based on the BBC version of her that I copied, credit goes to them for that line!

Oh, dear, things still aren't brightening up. Angelo probably has a purple bruise on his bum now. Well, at least it's Christmas Eve! Things can't surely get THAT much worse...

* * *

It was Christmas Eve. Juliet sighed with relief that her family had made it so far without killing one another. They gathered in the reception hall, waiting for the Pudding Bus.

"So, what are we doing today?" yawned an even sleepier Romeo.

"Well, first of all, we're going out shopping to a nearby village. Then, in the evening, we're going to have our Christmas dinner and in the evening we're going off to Santa's Grotto to search for Santa" replied Juliet.

"We're having Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve? That's not right" Rosaline frowned.

"In Lapland, they have Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve" explained Juliet.

"I'd rather do it our way" Rosaline rolled her eyes "We all go to the church service on Christmas Eve. Then we watch a film. Then we hang the kids' stocking up and then the kids go to bed. Tibby and I get drunk, sort everything out for the morning, I dress up in my Christmas negligee. We...spend time together. And then we open our presents first thing in the morning!"

"Well, we're in Lapland now, and we're going to try it the way they do it whilst we here" said Juliet.

"And it's such fun!" Regina clucked.

"Eliseo, Micro, stop playing with the letters on the board" called Lord Capulet.

"Why is it always us that gets told off?" moaned Micro, stepping away from the activity board "Everyone is playing with the letters on the board"

"Because it normally always is you" replied Lord Capulet "Leave it alone"

Micro and Eliseo stepped away reluctantly from the activity board, which no longer read 'SEARCH FOR SANTA' but instead said 'SEARCH FOR SATAN'

* * *

"Want this!" declared Saffiro, pointing at a giant chocolate Santa.

"Now, now, Saffy" said Benvolio "It's Christmas tomorrow and you probably have lots of chocolates in your stocking"

"Want it!" snapped Saffiro.

"No, Saffy, I've just told you-"

"Want it!" howled Saffiro.

"Well, I'm afraid you can't have it. You'll get lots of presents tomorrow, and you don't need anymore" said Benvolio, trying to sound firm. It was no good. Benvolio's children knew that he'd never tell them off for anything.

"I want it!" screamed Saffiro.

"Hermia, help me" pleaded Benvolio.

"No!" said Hermia firmly "You are getting presents tomorrow, and if you have that and eat it now, you won't be able to eat dinner. You are not having it!"

"But I want it!" Saffiro continued to scream.

"Stop screaming, or you'll get a sack of coal for Christmas!"

Saffiro swallowed his cries, and snivelled, glaring at his parents.

"How do you do that?" sighed Benvolio enviously.

"Oh, fantastic" grumbled Rosaline, perusing through the stalls "It's all sugar. I don't want the kids eating this. They'll go hyper"

"Well, it's Christmas! It's a treat for them" said Juliet, paying for a bag of sweets.

"Not for us" Rosaline shook her head. Juliet sighed heavily, growing more and more frustrated with Rosaline by the minute.

Alexei and Angelo wandered over to Gabriel, as he had huddled away from the stalls and was hunched over his phone.

"Daddy, what are you doing?" asked Alexei.

"Work!" hissed Gabriel, pointing to his phone.

"You're on holiday – why have you got to ring work?" interrupted Angelo.

"The Christmas Eve dance performance is tonight" replied Gabriel "We're doing the Nutcracker. The Sugarplum Fairy has gone AWOL!"

"Sugarplum fairy what?" frowned Angelo.

"She's gone missing. She's supposed to be in the production tonight. She's probably run off with her boyfriend, but we need her back by tonight, or there will be a disaster!"

"Whatever" Angelo rolled his eyes.

"Come on now, my little Puddingers!" shouted Jingle Jill "We have five minutes before we have to get back on the coach for lunch. If there's anything you need, go and grab it!"

"Look" said Juliet, holding open a bag "I've got some special orange and chocolate bread, and some cocoa for this evening, after we've had dinner but before all go to bed. It's exciting, isn't it?"

"I need sleep" moaned Romeo.

"Well, you can get some sleep tonight" replied Juliet.

"No! I want to see the Northern Lights"

"Oh, Romeo!" groaned Juliet.

"Well, never mind. I think it all looks great" said Hermia. Juliet smiled at her sister "I've bought these pretty baubles for the Christmas tree next year. One for each of my little angels"

"What angels?" snorted Rosaline.

"I'm an angel!" beamed Eliseo, grinning at her.

"As am I" said Micro, batting his eyelids at her.

"We're darlings" Alexei added.

"I'll believe that when you all sprout wings" said Mercutio.

"Well, actually I meant my own three little munchkins, but I suppose you can all share a bit of spare tinsel" replied Hermia.

"Ok, is everyone here?" asked Juliet, peering around "Where's Tybalt?"

"Over there!" pointed Vittoria.

"Didier! Get down!" yelled Tybalt.

"No!" shouted Didier, as he sat on the roof of a log cabin. The entire party turned and looked over to where Tybalt and Didier stood. Didier was sitting sulking on the roof of a log cabin, and Tybalt, though he was tall, was standing beneath the roof, yelling at his son to get down, unable to reach him and successfully grab him.

"What the hell is he doing up there?" gasped Lord Capulet.

"I don't know!" snapped Tybalt.

"Aw, he's just like Tibby when he was a little boy!" clucked Regina "Tibby once got stuck up a tree! I had to call the fire brigade to get him down again!"

"How on earth did he even get up there in the first place?" Lord Capulet went on.

"I don't know that either! Didier, get down!"

"No!"

"I'll give you ten Euros if you get down!" persuaded Tybalt, pulling out his wallet.

"I'll give you twenty Euros if you stay there!" Mercutio interrupted, pulling out his own wallet. Allegra, Micro, Eliseo, Alexei, Vittoria and Hermia snickered. Rocco simply gasped, looking from the roof to the ground repeatedly.

"Thirty Euros, get down!" Tybalt quickly added.

"Forty Euros, stay there!"

"Fifty Euros, get down!"

"Oh no..." Juliet sighed, shaking her head.

Enough was enough when the men reached a hundred Euros. Rosaline stormed over.

"Didier!" she snapped "If you don't get down, then we get home, we're all going to eat healthily for a week!"

"No!" cried Didier. Immediately, the naughty two year old clamoured down off the roof of the log cabin and ran back to his parents. Tybalt threw a filthy look at Mercutio, who just laughed at him, before the dysfunctional family stormed back onto the bus.

Eliseo, Micro and Alexei gathered at the back of the bus.

"Ok, so you open the door, and I'll get the..."

"What are you three whispering about?" asked Gabriel, turning around.

"Nothing, daddy!" called Alexei.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes "Are you sure? Because if it's something fun, then you have to include me. Those are the rules in our house!"

"You won't find it fun!" Alexei shook his head.

"Well, in spite of everything else, at least the boys seem to get on quite nicely" said Angelo.

"That's the one blessing of this holiday" said Amparo, cuddling Natalio "I think I am going to go mad if there's one more argument"

"Perhaps this evening, we should just get pissed" suggested Gabriel.

"You can get pissed. I'm still breastfeeding" replied Amparo.

"Oh, yeah, of course. Are you ok with that?"

"Sure. It's Christmas, you enjoy yourself. But make sure you help me tuck the kids in. You know they love it when you read them stories and do the silly voices"

"All right. That's fine then. Angelo, are you up for getting drunk?"

"I hate you, Didier!" screamed Erin.

Angelo groaned "Count me in!"

Allegra turned away from where she was watching Erin and Didier argue, and Tybalt and Rosaline trying to separate them, and Regina uselessly batting around in the background, to Hermia and Juliet.

"Do you feel sorry for Tybalt and Rosaline at all?" she asked.

The three women looked at one another.

"Nah!"

"The way those kids have been carrying on is enough to put anyone off having kids" Juliet shook her head.

"They make me proud of my kids, even if they do start screaming for chocolate Santa's and jump off of wardrobes" added Hermia.

"What's the plan for this evening, after we've been to Santa's Grotto to search for Santa?" asked Allegra.

"I've bought us some treats" said Juliet "I thought we could all curl up together and watch a DVD if there's enough time, and have some treats, and then we could tuck the kids in"

"Good plan" said Hermia. She gently patted her daughter "Briony's fallen asleep on me. I think the trip has worn her out"

"Ah, bless her. She looks just like Benvolio, don't you think?" said Juliet.

"I think both her and Eliseo look most like Benvolio, but Saffy looks more like me" said Hermia.

"Saffy, stop trying to do summersaults over the seats" sighed Benvolio.

"He acts like you too!" remarked Allegra.

"Well, I think Micro is a micro-Mercutio" joked Hermia "And Tory is a mini-you"

"Tybalt, just shut those kids up!" Rosaline snapped.

"I can't!"

"Poohead!" screamed Didier.

"Idiot!" Erin screamed back.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" roared Tybalt. The whole bus fell silent "Thank you!"


	8. Christmas Dinner

RichardIII1955 - Haha, that one was really fun to write, I can tell you! Kids are demons, right? Once again, the BBC can take credit for the 'SEARCH FOR SATAN' thing. I hadn't even noticed Santa was an anagram of Satan until I watched it!

What a disasterous day out! Can the day be salvaged by Christmas dinner? Or is the meal going to be somewhat...unsavoury?

* * *

"Ah, Christmas dinner!" exclaimed Juliet "One of my favourite parts of Christmas"

"Oooh, yes, especially the turkey" said Angelo, making a face at Gabriel.

"Well, you're a turkey killer" retorted Gabriel, as they all sat down.

"What is so much fun about a nut roast, anyway?" asked Mercutio.

"Well, it's better for you" said Gabriel.

"I don't care about healthy crap. When I eat my Christmas dinner, I want something's flesh!" announced Mercutio.

"You sicken me" sniffed Gabriel "And anyway, vegetarians have better sex lives"

"Try telling that to Allegra, she loves it when I-"

"I don't want to know" snarled Tybalt "I really, really don't want to know what happens when two insane people reproduce"

"Tybalt! Mercutio!" Benvolio shook his head "There are kids in here, and that topic of conversation is completely inappropriate!"

"Are you talking about sex?" asked Eliseo bluntly. Benvolio blushed violently.

"I know all about it!" announced Alexei.

"And me" added Micro "I know everything!"

"As if" grunted Tybalt.

"Mum, dad, what's sex?" asked Erin. Both Tybalt and Rosaline's faces changed from disgruntled to horrified.

"You explain, Rosaline" said Tybalt very quickly.

"I'll tell you when you're old enough to understand!" Rosaline very quickly added.

"When will that be?" asked Erin. Eliseo, Micro and Alexei were laughing uncontrollably. Benvolio elbowed Eliseo.

"Stop that!"

"It's funny!" chortled Eliseo.

"Oh, look at their faces!" Mercutio pointed at Tybalt and Rosaline.

"Mercutio, that's really..." Benvolio shook his head, trying to change the conversation "Romeo, stop staring out the window!"

"I want to see the Northern Lights!"

"Sit down! Dinner is being served" cried Juliet. The waiters and waitresses placed their plates down in front of them. With another sigh, Juliet leant over, and placed some candles in the middle of the table.

"I thought those were in the attic" said Lord Capulet.

"Well, I brought them with me. Since it's our little Christmas tradition to have our special candles lit at the table"

"Oh, what a lovely idea!" clucked Regina "It's just like home"

"They look lovely" said Amparo "I should buy some like that. What do you think, Gabriel?"

"Oooh, yes. We should get some to match the table clothes, preferably if they are in the nineteen twenties vibe that we have going in the dining room" replied Gabriel.

Angelo shook his head and rolled his eyes. With a final glance out the window, Romeo made his way over to the table and sat next to his wife. Juliet lit the candles with Tybalt's lighter, and they slowly began to talk again.

"Hello, my Puddingers" greeted Jingle Jill, sitting down with them "You don't mind, do you?"

The whole table just looked at each other awkwardly, not sure who should be the one to say what they didn't want to.

"Uh, sure, why not" mumbled Benvolio.

"Aren't we going to say grace?" asked Romeo.

"Grace?" frowned Tybalt.

"Well, yes, we always say grace in my family"

"Oh, I didn't know you lot were all God Squad" said Jingle Jill.

"We're not" said Angelo.

"I'm Wiccan" said Gabriel.

"So am I" added Alexei.

"I'm a humanist" said Benvolio.

"I believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster" said Mercutio.

"I worship the devil" growled Eliseo in a deep voice. Micro snorted. Benvolio batted Eliseo with the back of his hand.

"Well, I'm Catholic" said Romeo "But not a crazy 'I hate gays!' one"

"I don't care what beliefs we all are, can we please just eat?" asked Hermia**.**

"Yeah, let's just skip grace. I'm hungry. I want some turkey" said Tybalt, digging in.

"Turkey Tibb-" began Micro.

"Don't start" growled Tybalt.

"Turkey! I wish" said Jingle Jill wistfully "Better than rotten old reindeer"

"Reindeer?" cried Didier. The whole table froze, suddenly gulping.

"We've been eating reindeer?" gasped Erin.

"Actual reindeer?" gaped Rocco.

"Well...yeah. You've been eating it all week" said Jingle Jill.

"That is really gross" groaned Lord Capulet, pushing his plate away.

"You actually gave them reindeer?" shrieked Gabriel.

"I've been eating Rudolf!" exclaimed Vittoria.

"Rudolf!" cried Saffiro, spitting his out.

"Mmm, reindeer" said Eliseo, shoving a slice in his mouth in front of the younger children.

"Yum, yum, reindeer in your tum!" taunted Micro.

"Stop that!" Benvolio quickly shouted "Both of you! You're upsetting the younger children! Saffy, it's not really reindeer, Jingle Jill's just playing a joke on us. It...it...it's turkey really, isn't it?"

But of course, he was Benvolio the Soft Touch, and neither Micro nor Eliseo paid much attention.

"Yeah, it's really reindeer" nodded Eliseo to Didier and Erin as they stared at him with wide eyes "It's so tasty!"

"Stop upsetting the kids!" commanded Rosaline.

"Don't talk to them like that, they're just having a laugh" interrupted Hermia "Eliseo, Micro, give it a rest"

"Having a laugh? They're upsetting my kids!"

As Hermia and Rosaline's voices raised in argument, Alexei turned to Gabriel.

"I'm glad we're vegetarian, dad"

"Me too, Alexei. Me too"

"Oh for crying out loud!" Angelo eventually boomed "It's just meat. It's got protein in. It's good for you. You liked it before you knew what it was. Just eat the fucking stuff!"

"No!" wailed Saffiro, pushing his plate away.

"Mmm, reindeer, so tasty!" Eliseo teased.

"Stop it, Eliseo!" Hermia snapped "Don't upset him. Or I won't give you your Christmas presents tomorrow"

"So, Santa's not real?" asked Tallulah tearfully.

"Of course he is" lied Gabriel "She just meant it as a figure of speech"

"I'm going to become a vegetarian now" sobbed Erin.

"Don't be silly, it's just meat. It's just the circle of life, that's all!" Rosaline tried to explain.

"What a great idea, I'll give you some recipe books!" replied Gabriel.

"This is a disaster" moaned Juliet, sinking her head in her hands.

"Well, this has been fun" said Jingle Jill "But I need to get ready for the next trip to Santa's Grotto, to see all the little elves at work. I'll see you all there!"


	9. Meeting The Little Elves

RichardIII1955 - Lol, once again the BBC can take credit for the reindeer eating thing. Poor little kids! I hate kids so I'd probably be eating the reindeer and going 'mmm' as well!

It only gets worse, right? After a disasterous day out, a disasterous dinner, we're now going to search for Santa in his grotto and meet the elves! Speaking of elves, I was watching 'Elf' the other day, and I have decided that **Mercutio is Buddy The Elf**.

* * *

Only a few members of the families took the children to Santa's Grotto. Romeo stayed behind and immediately decided to set up watch for the Northern Lights. Gabriel and Angelo ran off to the alcohol bar, as planned. Tybalt stormed away from his family without another word to fetch his own supply of alcohol.

"Here we have" said Jingle Jill "Santa's workshop, where the little elves make their toys for all the good children of the world. Have you all been good children this year?"

"Hardly" Rosaline muttered to herself.

"Yes!" all the children shouted. Regina smiled at them all delightedly.

"Just stay calm" Hermia muttered to Allegra, Juliet, Mercutio and Benvolio "Just this last thing today, and then tomorrow will be Christmas, and all the kids will be happy, and we won't be stressy anymore. Just ignore Rosaline"

"Yes, that's right" added Benvolio.

"She's pregnant and grumpy" said Hermia "She can't help herself"

"And don't we know it" Allegra muttered back with a snort, as they wandered into the first workshop. The children looked around, with little gasps of pleasure at the 'elves' at work.

"Here is where the little elves make the toys for the good children!" exclaimed Jingle Jill.

"Those are just people dressed up in elf suits" said Alexei.

"No, they're not! They're real elves!" lied Jingle Jill.

"Of course they're real, Alexei!" Regina added.

"No, they're not, I asked dad for an iPad and a pet snake for Christmas, and they're just making fake wooden train sets. And who would want a wooden train set, anyway? A kid in the nineteen forties?" retorted Alexei. Eliseo and Micro giggled.

Jingle Jill sighed "They're making them for the little kids!"

"Saffy, do you want a train set?" asked Eliseo.

"Want chocolate!" Saffiro replied.

"And what about you, Didier?" asked Micro.

"Money" said Didier "Want money!"

"Just like his mum!" whispered Hermia to Mercutio.

"There you go" said Alexei "They're not real elves"

"You know it's a shitty package holiday when even the kids know the elves aren't real" snorted Rosaline. Juliet gritted her teeth angrily and clenched her fists. Her eyes narrowed to catlike slits, and if anyone had bothered noticing, they would swear Tybalt had a twin sister.

"Well, come this way! This is where the little elves sleep" said Jingle Jill, leading them into another room. There were rows of bunk beds, all with seasonal red and green duvets.

"Look at all the beds, Saffiro! There must be lots and lots of elves" said Hermia, giving him a little squeeze.

"Yeah, right, they're all empty. Probably in the pub" Rosaline muttered to herself. Juliet clenched her fists tighter.

"Oh, look, there's a little elf in one of these beds!" Jingle Jill pointed. She went over to one of the top bunks and pointed "Let's have a look who it is. Wake up, little elf!"

With a practised yawn and stretch, the 'elf' sat up.

"Hello, little elf" greeted Jingle Jill "What have you been up to?"

"I have been very busy" said the 'elf' "I have been working night and day making toys for all the good little children of the world..."

"Oh, what a convincing act" grumbled Rosaline.

"WILL YOU JUST PLEASE STOP MOANING!?" yelled Juliet furiously. The whole party fell silent and turned to look at her "You've been moaning the whole trip and I am so sick and tired of listening to it! We came here to give the kids a good experience and to try something different. I wanted to spend some meaningful time with my family, doing something new. All you've done is moan and make grumpy cynical remarks about everything we've done. I don't care if you're pregnant and can't do most of the stuff, we didn't come here for you, we came here for the kids!"

"Ouch" whispered Allegra to Hermia. Regina's eyes were wide behind her glasses.

"If they start arguing, let's all join in on Juliet's side" Hermia whispered back.

"Yeah, yeah, let's do it!" added Mercutio.

"No, don't! We need to diffuse the situation and calm them down before the kids notice!" cried Benvolio.

"I think it's already pretty obvious to them what's going on" Amparo shook her head, as Alexei, Micro and Eliseo just giggled and laughed at the arguing.

"Fine" snapped Rosaline to Juliet "You can watch my kids, since you wanted to give them such a good experience. I'm going to sit on the bus"

She stormed away, and Juliet turned to face her family, Jingle Jill, and the 'elf'.

"Sorry about that...little elf...person" she mumbled meekly "Carry on"

"I...have been working night and day" said the 'elf' "Making toys for all the good little children of the world..."

The group that climbed back on the bus was very subdued. Rosaline glared at them all, and then reclaimed her children and made them sit in silence beside her. Regina dithered around, unsure of what to do, before sitting alone. Eliseo, Micro and Alexei went and sat at the back again, and continued to whisper and giggle amongst themselves. Rocco and Vittoria followed, disliking the tense atmosphere amongst the adults. Juliet slumped in a seat, with her eyes closed. Allegra went and sat next to her, and tried to give some words of encouragement, whilst Hermia was busy tending to Saffiro and Briony. Mercutio sat next to Benvolio, opened his mouth to make a remark, but Benvolio just shook his head. Amparo shook her head, and then sat down with her children.

"Do I have to go to bed yet, mum?" asked Eliseo "Because I was hoping I could play with Alexei and Micro for a little bit"

"Well, I'm sure you can play for half an hour. But not too long, because it is Christmas Eve, and you do want to get tucked up in bed soon, don't you?" replied Hermia.

"Yes, mum!" said Eliseo, relieved as the bus pulled into the hotel, and he and his friends could escape the tense atmosphere. Rosaline stormed off the bus, Didier and Erin following. Juliet immediately ran up to her and Romeo's hotel room, and began to cry. Hermia and Benvolio went to get their younger children ready for bed, and Amparo took her younger children with her.

"Sorry about that horrible trip, kids" said Mercutio, as he, Allegra, and their youngest children walked back to their room "How about, as a special Christmas treat, I tell you a story about Queen Mab?"

"Yes! Queen Mab!" squealed Rocco and Vittoria "We love Queen Mab!"


	10. Bedtime

RichardIII1955 - I know, but I do love Rosaline! She can be a lot of fun to write!

Now, this was a very, very fun chapter to write! I copied a lot of it from the BBC drama, Lapland, once again. Which, by the way, is being shown on BBC1 at 10.35 tonight and I'm recording it. You can also find it on iPlayer tomorrow, provided the world doesn't end (Which it better not do, since the school pantomime, which I wrote, is tomorrow and I haven't finished uploading all the chapters of this story!)

Poor Juliet. The whole holiday has been a complete nightmare. Now, it's time to get settled down for the night before Christmas.

* * *

Tybalt slumped outside the hotel, drinking from a bottle of alcohol. He would have been smoking a cigarette to go with it, but he'd given up after being accidently shot in the stomach by Gabriel eleven years ago.

Jingle Jill fled outside to where he was sitting. Tybalt took one look at her face and immediately guessed that the trip to Santa's Grotto had not gone well.

"Rough time with the kids?"

"Tell me about it" she sighed "I hate it here! I hate kids"

"I hate them too" added Tybalt "Especially my own!"

"Urgh, they scream and whine, and I hate them all. I don't understand why I'm stuck here, eating reindeer and being paid pants. It's cold, and freezing, and I just hate it. I'd rather be doing an eighteen to thirties tour of Barbados, stalking fit swimming instructors, going out in the bars each night, feeling the sun on my face. But I'm stuck here!"

"I'd rather be at home" grumbled Tybalt "The kids have never been this bad at Christmas. I'd rather be at home, with all my stuff around me, and without having my pathetic excuse of a brother-in-law stuck under the same roof as me. He's a freak. For god's sake, he shot me in the stomach eleven years ago!"

"He shot you?"

"Yeah. It's a long story" groaned Tybalt.

* * *

Meanwhile, Saffiro was tucked into his bed, and Hermia sat up in her bed, breast-feeding Briony and quietly reading one of Benvolio's books. Tallulah was also in bed, and Natalio was in his cot. Amparo checked her watch, and then her phone, waiting for Gabriel. Mercutio and Allegra had put their pyjamas on and were curled up in bed with Rocco and Vittoria. Mercutio sat on one side of the bed, waving his arms around delightedly as he told one of his beloved Queen Mab stories, and Rocco and Vittoria snuggled against Allegra, their eyes wide with joy.

It was left to Benvolio to find Eliseo, Micro and Alexei and return them to their respective parents.

He wandered down the corridors, pausing outside of Juliet's room to hear muffled sobbing. He wondered whether he ought to go in and comfort her, but then he figured that Juliet might not want people bursting in on her, and that she might prefer Romeo to comfort her than him. He wandered on, finding no trace of the three boys.

First of all, he checked the bar. Angelo and Gabriel were drunkenly slurring jibes at one another, without much care for getting under the others skin.

"You're a twat" said Gabriel.

"No, you're a fucking twat" said Angelo, but then he giggled. Gabriel giggled too, and fell face down on the bar. Angelo snorted "Get up, sleepyhead. It's boozy time!"

"Booze!" shrieked Gabriel, sitting back up.

"Hey, Angelo, Gabriel, have you two seen the boys anywhere?" asked Benvolio.

"What boys?" asked Angelo.

"Your grandson. And my son and Micro. Have you seen them?"

"No" replied Gabriel "We've been here boozing for..."

"Hundred years!" announced Angelo.

"And seen no kids!" Gabriel finished.

Benvolio shook his head, and then headed outside. Romeo was standing, shivering, frantically scanning the skies.

"Romeo, what are you doing? It's Christmas Eve!" cried Benvolio.

"I'm not going in until I've found them" said Romeo determinedly.

"Romeo, Juliet's really upset. Rosaline started winding her up on the trip and they argued. You should go and look after her"

"She'll be fine. I've just got to see the Northern Lights! Just once!"

"Fine. Whatever. Have you seen Eliseo, Micro and Alexei anywhere?" snapped Benvolio.

"Nope" mumbled Romeo, peering through a telescope.

Benvolio went back in. He heard the sound of a familiar giggle, and followed the sound to the lounge.

One of the doors was open. The Christmas tree had been knocked over, and half the decorations were missing. A reindeer wandered around the room, with tinsel wrapped around its neck and baubles hanging from its antlers. Two terrified people were huddled in the middle of the room on a sofa. Eliseo, Micro and Alexei roared with laughter, jumping up and down on another sofa.

"Eliseo Montague!" gasped Benvolio "Mercutio Vincentino the Second! Alexei Fulgencio! _You let a reindeer in_!"

"Yeah?" shrugged Alexei.

"I'm...I'm taking you to your father!"

"Ok" said Alexei "Come on, Eliseo, Micro, let's take Rufus with us"

"Rufus?" gaped Benvolio.

"Yes, he's Rufus the Reindeer!" giggled Micro.

"I don't think Gabriel will be too pleased with you, young man" said Benvolio to Alexei.

"He likes animals!" protested Alexei.

Benvolio escorted all three boys back to the bar so that he could leave Alexei with his father, but when they got there, Angelo and Gabriel were...

"...and the bells were ringing out for Christmas day!" howled Gabriel and Angelo.

"You're a bum, you're a punk!" shrieked Gabriel.

"You're an old slut on junk, lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed!" Angelo boomed.

"You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot. Happy Christmas your arse, thank God it's our last!" Gabriel sang.

"Perhaps not" mumbled Benvolio. Alexei giggled delightedly, and then ran off upstairs to tell anyone who would listen what he had witnessed. Benvolio took Micro back to his parents, and then went to go and tuck Eliseo in bed with his siblings.

* * *

At the same time, Rosaline realised that she ought to go and look for Tybalt. She hadn't seen him since before they left for Santa's Grotto and he'd stormed off to get drunk. He'd probably fallen asleep somewhere, and was snoring the hotel to the ground.

First, she checked the living room and discovered the poor reindeer being led back out the back door by the disgruntled hotel manager. Then she checked the bar to discover Gabriel and Angelo's singing session.

"The boys of the NYPD choir were singing 'Galway Bay' and the bells were ringing out for Christmas day!" chorused Gabriel and Angelo. Rosaline just shook her head, before hurrying outside to Romeo and his cameras and telescopes.

"Hey, Romeo!" shouted Rosaline "Hey!"

"Hmm? Yes?" said Romeo, turning around.

"Have you seen Tybalt?"

"Tybalt?"

"Yes, you know, my husband" said Rosaline crossly.

"I don't know" said Romeo "He might have come this way"

"Well, did you see him or not?" snapped Rosaline.

"No"

"Fat lot of good you are" grumbled Rosaline. She stormed onwards, following down the path to the sauna. It was a little hut burrowed between the trees, a little away from the hotel, and a sign by the door read 'DO NOT ENTER IF YOU ARE PREGNANT'

"Fuck that" spat Rosaline. She stayed still for a while, listening.

"Oh, that's amazing" moaned a familiar deep voice.

"Tybalt?" frowned Rosaline.

"Oh, right there, right there"

"I bet that feels good now"

"Oh, yeah, yeah"

Rosaline kicked open the door "I hate to interrupt this cosy little affair, but what the hell is going on in here?"

"Rosaline!" gasped Tybalt "We were just-"

"Talking?" roared Rosaline. Her eyes alighted on Jingle Jill "You! Get your hands off my husband!"

"We weren't kissing or anything, I was just giving him a massage!"

"She said I needed it!" protested Tybalt.

"I'm your wife, I'll be the one to give you a massage!" snarled Rosaline.

"As if you would! You've just spent the entire time moaning!" Tybalt snarled back.

"Oh, right, so that means, go and screw around with someone else, does it?"

"We weren't screwing!" protested Jingle Jill.

"Well, no, it's just-" Tybalt tried to argue.

Rosaline's eyes fell on the snow. She bent over, and grabbed a handful. Seething, she crumbled it into a ball and threw it at Tybalt "Take that!"

The soggy wet ice smacked Tybalt in the face "Aaah!" he yelled.

"And that!" Rosaline threw one at Jingle Jill, who shrieked. Tybalt and Jingle Jill tried to run out of the sauna, but Rosaline chased them, throwing snowballs as they ran. They were only wearing thin dressing gowns with no shoes on, and so Rosaline chased them through the freezing winter evening air. When they reached Romeo's telescope and camera set, Tybalt and Jingle Jill ran straight through it, knocking over some of it.

"Hey!" cried Romeo "That cost – OW!"

Rosaline hit him in the face with a snowball, before continuing her chase. Tybalt and Jingle Jill ran through the halls, before Jingle Jill ran off to the holiday rep rooms. They whizzed past Regina, who looked perplexed to see her son and her daughter-in-law engaging in their wild chase. Tybalt continued running up the stairs, but Rosaline caught him and overtook him. She shoved him as they reached their hallway, and got to their room first. She slammed the door, leaving him outside.

"Oi! Ros! Let me in!" yelled Tybalt.

"No!" Rosaline yelled back "You'll stay out there all night!"

"Oi!" Tybalt shouted. He hammered on the door "Let me in!"

"Fuck off!"

"Let me in! I'm so cold!"

"Heathcliff, let me it! It's Cathy! I'm so cold!"

"Shut up, Mercutio!" roared Tybalt, turning around to face Mercutio and his family sticking their heads out their hotel room door and laughing at him. He turned back to face his hotel room door "Ros, let me in!"

"Shut up! You'll wake the kids up!" snapped Rosaline. Tybalt fell silent, and so Rosaline turned around. Erin and Didier were still fast asleep, oblivious to their parents' quarrel. Rosaline shook her head angrily, and then pulled out the suitcase of presents. She arranged them around the room, breathing heavily and rapidly. She grabbed the stockings, and stuffed all the little presents in there. She also emptied an entire tub of Celebrations chocolates in for good measure, helping herself to one indulgently.

* * *

"This is my favourite bit of Christmas" whispered Benvolio, as Hermia placed Briony's now full stocking back on the end of her bed.

"Mine too" murmured Hermia "I can't wait to see all their little faces tomorrow"

"You mean in six hours, when they jump on us shrieking 'He's been! He's been!'"

Hermia just laughed, gently stroking Briony's curls and tucking the blanket over her only daughter. She and Benvolio crawled into their bed, cuddled up, and then waited for the first child to jump on them.

* * *

"What about..." said Mercutio "If we put them on top of the wardrobe? Then they'll all have to jump on the bed to get them!"

"Mercutio, that's such a great idea!" exclaimed Allegra. Trying not to laugh, they put three of their children's presents on top of his wardrobe, and then giggled at their bizarre arrangement of presents. There was one balancing on the lightshade, one sitting in the bath, one in the sink and the other was on top of the toilet lid.

* * *

Juliet lay on her bed, miserably. Everyone was miserable. No one was having a good time, and they all seemed to be taking it out on her. And worse still, Romeo was missing.

* * *

"So Santa isn't real!" Alexei announced, as Amparo, having given up upon Gabriel returning anytime soon, hurried into his room carrying his presents.

"What are you doing awake? Go to sleep!"

"I was waiting up" shrugged Alexei "And if you're wondering where dad is, check the bar. He and Granddad have gone mad. They're singing and being nice to each other!"

"If that's not a Christmas present in itself..." remarked Amparo "Anyway, shush. Tallulah is younger than you. Let her have her fun. When you were that age, we still went along with it"

"But why would you lie about a thing like that?" asked Alexei.

"I have no idea" Amparo shook her head "But stop winding her up. Or I'll tickle you"

"No!"

* * *

Gabriel and Angelo drunkenly clamoured up the steps. Angelo fell over and landed on his bottom. Gabriel laughed hysterically.

"You plonker"

"You're a plonker" retorted Angelo "Remember the year you threw the turkey out the window?"

"Turkey-killer" said Gabriel. Both men looked at one another and laughed again. Gabriel gave Angelo a hand up, and then they staggered into Angelo's hotel room. They both collapsed on the bed and were asleep within minutes.


	11. Christmas Day

RichardIII1955 - Lol, Tibby and Ros have always reminded me of Cathy and Heathcliff. It was going to be Gabriel singing it, but then I realise that he would be too drunk!

Oh dear, Christmas Eve was awful! It was fun to write, though. This chapter was also pretty fun to write as well, with everyone's reactions to their presents. My favourite bit is with Tybalt and Rosaline's kids opening their presents. Such a pair of brats!

Plus, it's Eliseo's actual birthday today! Since ALYN takes place in 2011, that makes him one today! Happy Birthday, Eliseo!

* * *

"He's been!" shrieked Saffiro, leaping on top of Benvolio "Santa's been!"

"Has he?" mumbled Benvolio, stirring.

"Yeah! Come and see!"

Benvolio and Hermia blearily sat up. Briony was standing up in her cot, her hazel eyes wide and excited, even though she couldn't understand what was going on. Eliseo took his time in exiting his bed, and then sat at Hermia's feet tiredly.

"Open now!" Saffiro exclaimed, shaking his first present.

"Mummy!" squealed Briony, holding out her hands to be picked up. Hermia scrambled down and picked her up out of her cot, and then placed her between her and Benvolio. Excitedly, she scrabbled for her presents and started ripping at the paper. Saffiro tore off paper, and soon it was flying across the room.

"Happy Christmas, kids. What time is it?" asked Hermia.

"Six 'o' clock" said Eliseo.

"Great. Better than last year. That was five thirty" said Benvolio.

* * *

About two hours later, Rosaline sat on the sofa, reading _Vogue _and eating more of the chocolates. Erin and Didier turned and looked at her disappointedly from their giant pile of presents.

"If you've got any problems, talk to your dad" she said moodily.

Erin got up, and went to the hotel door. She pulled it open, and then Tybalt fell in, fast asleep. He'd spent the night sleeping whilst sitting against the door in the hallway. He was still wearing his dressing gown. Erin looked down disdainfully at him. Tybalt stirred, and then stood up.

"All right, kids?" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes "Got what you wanted?"

Both Erin and Didier glared at him with their stone grey eyes.

"So, are we going to get ready to go and see Santa?" asked Tybalt.

"No" retorted Rosaline. She turned to Erin and Didier "Hey, kids, fancy going and seeing Jill and her jingles?"

"No" said Erin.

"No" said Didier.

"There you go then" said Rosaline, turning to Tybalt "You can if you want to, I don't give a shit"

"Fine" snapped Tybalt, storming into the bathroom to get washed and dressed. Rosaline popped another chocolate in her mouth, figuring that since she was pregnant, watching her weight was pointless.

* * *

"Hmm" said Micro, upon seeing his presents scattered around the room in such unusual places "They _are_ getting creative"

"How did they even reach up there?" asked Rocco.

"Let's go and find out" said Vittoria.

They wandered into their parents' room and discovered them cuddling up together, blissfully sleeping. Now, that just wouldn't do. It was Christmas and they had to get up, whether they liked it or not. Micro tiptoed to the bottom of the bed, lifted the duvet and found their feet.

"Tickle time!" he announced, immediately starting to tickle them both.

"No! Tickle time is bad!" moaned Allegra.

"I'll kick your face!" threatened Mercutio.

"Tickle time!" Micro repeated, tickling harder. Eventually he gave up and jumped on the bed, followed by his siblings "It's Christmas! Get up! I want a hug"

"What time is it?" asked Mercutio.

"My clock said it was eight 'o' clock. If we're not quick, we'll miss the Pudding Bus" replied Rocco.

"I don't want to go on the stupid Pudding Bus" sulked Vittoria "Jingle Jill is annoying and all the trips get ruined by people arguing all the time"

"Yeah!" added Micro "It's boring. Eliseo and Alexei said they didn't want to go on it today, and Alexei says Santa's probably just some out of work actor in a beard and suit. So let's stay here and spend time together and open our presents"

"All right. We'll do that" decided Mercutio "Come on then. It's time for the Vincentino Family Christmas Snuggle!"

* * *

Gabriel stirred. Through his half-open eyelid, he caught side of a splash of dark hair. Thinking it was Amparo, he crawled over closer to wrap his arm around her. Suddenly, he sniffed. Hang on...that wasn't Amparo's perfume he could smell. That was aftershave. Angelo's aftershave.

"UUUUUUURGH!" screeched Gabriel, leaping up. Angelo groaned and put a hand to his head.

"Stop that shrieking!"

"Oh my God, I can't believe I just shared a bed with you!" Gabriel shrieked "Yuck!"

"What?" scowled Angelo, glancing up "I'm your dad! I've changed your nappy!"

"That is just so wrong!"

"What, changing your nappy? Who did you want to do it? The cat's mother?"

"No! Sharing a bed with you! That's gross! That's pervy! I feel all dirty now!"

"Oh, shut up, Gabriel. Go back to sleep"

"No!"

Gabriel dashed out of Angelo's room and into his and Amparo's. Amparo was dressing Natalio, and Tallulah was pulling on her snowsuit.

"There you are" said Amparo "I wondered where you were"

"I slept in Angelo's bed" spat Gabriel disgustedly.

"We saw you singing!" announced Alexei, coming out of the bathroom.

"Singing?" Gabriel frowned.

"Yes! You and Granddad were singing. You sang 'Fairytale of New York' and you did the girly bits and Granddad did the man bits. It was so funny!" giggled Alexei.

"Oh no..." whimpered Gabriel. Alexei just giggled. Eventually Gabriel moaned "I need to sleep this off"

"You can't, we're going on the Pudding Bus!" said Tallulah "It's our last chance to search for Santa"

"I don't care! I'm not listening to Jingle Jill howling like a dying cat whilst my head feels like someone just slapped me with a tap shoe. I'm going back to bed"

"Well, if you're not coming, I'm not coming" decided Amparo "Your family have been driving me mad. I'm not spending time with them on my own"

"Fair enough" shrugged Gabriel, pulling off his shoes and climbing into bed "Night kids"

"But I want to see Santa!" cried Tallulah.

"He's not real, I saw your mum put your presents on your bed last night!" said Alexei.

"Alexei!" scolded Amparo. Tallulah stamped her foot, and then rushed out of the hotel room. Amparo shouted after her, but Tallulah did not come back.

* * *

Romeo groaned. His vision was blurry, and he was bundled in blankets.

"Where am I?" he choked out.

"Hospital" replied a voice.

"Juliet?" he asked, looking around.

Juliet bent over him "You're in hospital, Romeo"

"What?"

"You have hypothermia"

"Hypothermia?" gasped Romeo.

"Yes, Romeo" said Juliet, tucking the blankets around him "Whilst you were out hunting the Northern Lights, you got too cold. You became disorientated and confused. You passed out. A member of security found you half-buried in snow. You had to be air-lifted through a snow storm to get here. I was asleep when they banged on my door, telling me where you were. I was so worried!"

Romeo was silent for a moment, contemplating the night's actions.

"Sorry" he mumbled.

"I forgive you" replied Juliet, stroking his chocolate brown hair.

"Does everyone know we're here?"

"No. I didn't want to worry them. It's just us"

"Oh" murmured Romeo "Happy Christmas"

"Happy Christmas" replied Juliet.

* * *

Finally dressed and awake, Angelo wandered downstairs. Tallulah was sitting slumped on the stairs, her head in hand.

"Tallulah?" asked Angelo.

"Hi, Granddad"

"Why are you so upset?" asked Angelo "Haven't you got all your presents?"

A tear slipped out of one of Tallulah's dark eyes "I-I have, b-but mum and dad say we're n-not g-going on the P-Pudding Bus to search for Santa, because dad's got a hangover and mum doesn't want to put up with everyone else arguing. A-and now I'm never going to see if Santa is really real or not, a-a-and Alexei told me he wasn't real this morning and that he'd seen my mummy leave my presents. Aunty Rosaline and Uncle Tibby were just rowing and I couldn't go with them, s-so I c-came down here, and no one was here, and now the Pudding Bus has left, and now I-I'll never k-know!"

"Oh, Tallulah" said Angelo "Come and have a hug"

Tallulah wrapped her arms around him, and Angelo picked her up.

"You know what I think?" said Angelo "I don't think we'll bother with any of the others. They've been driving us all nuts. We'll go and have breakfast ourselves, and then we'll go for a walk"

Angelo carried Tallulah to the breakfast hall, and together they had breakfast, before heading outside.

"Look at all the new snow!" cried Tallulah joyfully.

"You know what snow is good for?" asked Angelo.

"What?"

"Sleigh-riding!"

Tallulah shrieked joyfully as Angelo pulled out a sleigh from a hut.

"Come on!"

Angelo dragged the sleigh to the top of a hill "Just look down at the hotel and all the trees"

"It's so pretty" said Tallulah.

"All right. On your sleigh!"

Tallulah clamoured on, and then Angelo clamoured on behind her. They rushed down the hill. Tallulah screamed with joy, and then they both picked themselves up.

"That was fun!" gasped Tallulah "I didn't know you could ride a sleigh, Granddad!"

"Well, I can" said Angelo "Now, you sit down, and I'm going to pull you along!"

"Faster! Faster!" cried Tallulah, as Angelo pulled her along "Where are we going?"

"You'll see!"

Eventually, they stopped outside of a building.

"This is Santa's Grotto!" exclaimed Tallulah excitedly "We came here yesterday! How did you know where it was?"

"I looked on a map of the place on my iPhone" explained Angelo "And I had a compass that my brother, who was in the army, gave me. I worked it out quite easily. Look, the Pudding Bus is just leaving. Which means we'll have Santa to ourselves. Shall we go and see him?"

Tallulah's dark eyes widened in delight "Yes! Yes!"

* * *

"Where's Tallulah?" asked Amparo, frantically looking around "Alexei, I told you to go after her. Where is she?"

"What's going on?" mumbled Gabriel, pulling the duvet off of his head.

"Tallulah's missing"

"My baby!" shrieked Gabriel, immediately climbing out of bed. He dressed and rushed down to reception "Have you seen a little girl? Dark-haired, dark eyes, wearing a lilac snowsuit?"

"No, I'm sorry, sir" said the receptionist "But we can check with your holiday rep to see if she's with her"

* * *

Jingle Jill picked up the radio "No, I don't have anyone from the Capulet-Montague-Vincentino-Fulgencio clan" she put down the receiver "Thank God" she muttered to herself.

* * *

"This is where Santa lives during the year, whilst the elves are making the toys" explained an elf.

"Wow" whispered Tallulah.

"And if you go through here, you will see him" said the elf. Tallulah's eyes widened even further. Angelo smiled. He'd missed out on doing this when his children were little. Gabriel was too strong-willed and too determined to be different to the other children when he was this young to want to do things like this. He squeezed his granddaughter's shoulder, and together they went to see Santa.


	12. The Northern Lights

RichardIII1955 - Lol, I love Merc's family too! And Angelo does have a secret softer side, it just takes the right company and situation to bring it out.

So, here is the final chapter of Lapland. Will they ever get to see the Northern Lights? And also, a very Merry Christmas to everyone who has read this story and enjoyed it!

* * *

"There they are!" exclaimed Amparo "Tallulah and Angelo!"

"Tallulah! My baby!" shrieked Gabriel, rushing to the door to meet them. He grabbed Tallulah in a hug, and glared at Angelo furiously "Where the hell have you been?"

"To see Santa!" gasped Tallulah "It was amazing. He's real!"

"What were you doing?" asked Rosaline, storming out "The whole hotel has been looking for you. We've been worried sick!"

"We didn't disappear, she was with me" replied Angelo, as Amparo leant down and clutched Tallulah.

"Why the hell didn't you tell us where you were!" Amparo cried, standing up so that Alexei could hug Tallulah "What were we supposed to think?"

"But mummy, we went to see Santa!" cried Tallulah.

"Jingle Jill said she hadn't seen you" frowned Gabriel.

"No, Granddad took me on a sleigh!" exclaimed Tallulah "It was so fun!"

"A sleigh?" frowned Rosaline.

"Yes, aunty Rosaline, a sleigh! We went down a hill, and then he pulled it all the way to Santa's Grotto!"

"You pulled a sleigh all those miles?" gasped Gabriel "Oh my God, what were you thinking? You had cancer a few years ago!"

"Yes, Gabriel, I had cancer a few years ago. Ten, in fact. But that's the point. I _had_ it. It hasn't come back. I'm healthy, and I don't see why I can't enjoy my health with my grandkids" replied Angelo.

"You still should have told us" said Amparo angrily "I've been worried sick. Alexei's been feeling guilty, worried it was his fault. Natalio's been fussing. How could you be so selfish?"

"He's not selfish!" cried Tallulah "He's the best Granddad in the world! You're selfish, you and dad just wanted to lie in bed"

"So you've found them" grunted Tybalt, storming around the corner "See, I told you they'd turn up"

"No thanks to you and your moaning" retorted Rosaline.

"What's happened with you two?" asked Angelo.

"Oh, my husband has only been playing with Jingle Jill's jingles" Rosaline snapped.

"I didn't touch her!" growled Tybalt.

"Oh, but she touched you" seethed Rosaline.

"Be quiet!" interrupted Angelo "Look, we're all here, we're all safe. I've had a lovely day with Tallulah, and I don't want you lot to spoil it"

"Fine" Gabriel snapped, and turned around to leave. However, the door of the hotel opened, and Juliet walked in.

"Where have you been?" asked Tybalt.

"The hospital" replied Juliet, shaking her hair free from her hat.

"Hospital? Why?" gasped Tybalt.

"Romeo's there. He has hypothermia" explained Juliet "Last night, after his attempt to find the Northern Lights, he got too cold and passed out. A security guy found him, and he was airlifted to hospital. The manager recognised him and came and woke me up. I've been there all day with him. He's expected to make a full recovery"

"So you've found them!" said Hermia, hurrying down the stairs "Good. Now, has anyone seen my sister?"

"I'm here" replied Juliet.

"Oh, where've you been?"

"The hospital"

"Wait, what?" asked Hermia.

"I've been at the hospital. Romeo has hypothermia"

"What, hypothermia? Why?"

"Because the idiot passed out looking for the Northern Lights" grumbled Tybalt "What a complete..."

"Language" hissed Rosaline.

The rest of the family came charging down the stairs. They'd spent Christmas Day separated from one another, following their own pursuits quietly. It wasn't until Amparo and Gabriel realised that Angelo and Tallulah were well and truly missing before they'd raised the alarm amongst their group.

"What's happening, have they been found?" asked Benvolio.

"They're fine" replied Gabriel "But you may want to know where your cousin is"

"In the hospital, with hypothermia" sighed Juliet.

"Hypothermia!" gasped Benvolio "Oh my God, is he ok? He'll get better, won't he? When did this happen?"

"When he was hunting for the Northern Lights" replied Juliet.

"We ought to go and visit him" said Mercutio "Kids, get your coats on"

"It's past visiting time" said Juliet.

"Who cares?" shrugged Mercutio.

"I've been there all day, he'll be all right" Juliet answered "I think we all ought to get some rest now"

"Great idea, I'll just go and prepare the sofa for Tybalt. I'm feeling merciful enough to allow him into the hotel room now" Rosaline sulked.

"I told you, we weren't doing anything!" growled Tybalt.

"Cheater" pouted Erin.

"Bad-present-giver" added Didier.

"See? Now look, she's even turned the kids against me" snapped Tybalt "This has been the shittest Christmas I've ever had. Even shitter than the one I spent lying in a hospital after that twat-" he jabbed a finger at Gabriel "shot me in the stomach. Even shitter than the one Hermia broke my new bike, and even shitter than the one where mum had a turn and nearly set the house on fire. I wish I'd never come"

"Shut up, Tybalt" Lord Capulet snapped "So much for no arguing. This has just been pure hell!"

"Fine then!" sobbed Juliet "You know, I just wanted us to have a good time. I just wanted us to be happy. I just wanted to enjoy spending time with my family before I started my own. I'm going outside, I've had it with all of you!"

Juliet fled outside. Hermia rushed after her.

"Don't cry!" urged Hermia "I've had a fun time. My kids have all enjoyed it. They love seeing you and everyone. It's just...this sort of thing isn't for everyone"

Juliet sobbed into her hand. Upon hearing Hermia's words, she raised her head and looked up "Hermia!"

"What?" Hermia turned, and then gasped "Oh!"

"Just look at that!" whispered Juliet "There they are"

"The Northern Lights"

"Get them! Get them all! They're not going to want to miss this!"

Hermia's face broke into a grin "Call Romeo! Tell him to look out the window. He's not going to want to miss this!"

Juliet frantically dialled her mobile as Hermia rushed inside. Soon, the whole party assembled out in front of the hotel, gazing at the beautiful green and blue lights.

"They're amazing" murmured Mercutio.

"Is this it?" grumbled Rosaline "Romeo got hypothermia because he was just so desperate to see this?"

"Just stop moaning!" yelled Tybalt "Just shut your face! The whole family is sick of you"

Rosaline was silenced for a moment, but then she looped her arm through his.

"Sorry"

Tybalt leant his head over hers "I'm sorry too"

"You know what they remind me of?" Benvolio whispered into Hermia's ear.

"What?"

"Your eyes"

Hermia blushed pink "Aw, Benny, don't make me blush. Don't make me...oh damn it. Thank you"

"They're just like your stories, daddy" said Vittoria, hugging Mercutio's waist "They're like Queen Mab's magic. Are they magic?"

"Of course they are" replied Micro.

"I thought someone was too old to believe in Santa" Allegra ruffled Micro's hair and wrapped an arm around Rocco.

"Yes" said Micro "But I'm not too old to believe in magic"

"As long as you kids are around, there will always be magic" replied Mercutio.

"They're so pretty" sighed Erin.

"Are you glad you came now, kids?" asked Regina, holding Didier and Erin's hands.

"Little bit" mumbled Didier.

"How elegant, how graceful" mused Gabriel "Like ballet, in fact. I ought to choreograph a dance in which to express it. Yes, I must do that. I'll tell Rene my plans. And then I shall perform it next winter season, and inspire people to travel north. Yes, yes, I shall do it"

"What do you think, kids?" asked Angelo. In one arm he held Tallulah, and his other arm was wrapped around Alexei's shoulders.

"They're so pretty" Tallulah sighed sleepily. She snuggled against Angelo's shoulder "Best Christmas ever"

"Really?" asked Angelo, surprised after all the hell that the families had put one another through, she still thought so.

"Yes" said Tallulah "Because I got to spend it with you"

"Thank you, Tallulah" Angelo kissed the top of her dark curls, and squeezed Alexei's shoulder. Even if he'd never got things right with Gabriel, and even if he never would, he knew he still had five, almost six, grandchildren, to make it up to.

"Can I sit next to you on the plane home again?" asked Alexei.

"You're very welcome to" replied Angelo.

"Oh no" groaned Benvolio "We have to fly home. I have to get on a plane again!"

"Don't poop your pants!" teased Eliseo. Saffiro giggled.

"Eliseo!" scolded Benvolio.

"Can you see them?" asked Juliet to Romeo down the phone.

"Yes! Yes! Oh, they're amazing! Just like how I imagined! Take a picture for me!"

Juliet smiled, relieved, the tears vanquished "Merry Christmas, Romeo"

"Merry Christmas, Juliet"


End file.
